Listen.

Would love nothing more than to be there to listen. But I guess.... It won't be me anymore. And I'm tired of chasing something that will never look my way. As much as I want to know, I've learnt my lesson, I'll just let you start. I don't want to do more things that I'll regret. But maybe I'll change my mind?

Having a headache, goodnight world.

Chicken.

I have half of my mind set on asking you "What are you trying to do really?", but i'm afraid that you'll give me the simple reason of "What am i doing? I'm just talking to my friend" If that's your answer i'm pretty sure i'll feel like crap after. With this i begin to wonder why i still want to ask questions. What's the point in knowing all the answers?

You appear,

You disappear,

Never just there,

But in the end,

It's just that i'm too chicken to confront you.

The Weepies - I Gotta Have You. (Cover)

Found a cover of a song i did last year, thought i'd put it up for kicks =)

University.

A sudden thought popped through my head "I miss you". OK! Snap out of it, starting uni in about 8 hours time, which means in 8 hours time I should stop thinking that way. But hey I said think, dont mean I'll stop feeling that way trolololololol!!!

Ah gosh it's strange that I'm having mini butterflies in my stomach at the thought that I'm about to start a new chapter in my life. UNIVERSITY. That is one big word if you asked me. I've always been firm with what I had wanted to do, Psychology. It had always been that, never a second option, but I never imagined that I'd already be where I've dreamed all these years. A part of me is a little afraid that maybe I'm making the wrong decision but I'm pretty sure this is what I want.

Too late to turn back now? Nah I won't regret this, this is what I want. And this time I will work for it.

P.s - I have to wear formal everyday for the next 3 years. Are you friggin kidding me?

The face i make when i wear formal wear.

Hair.

Thinking of growing long hair again. It's time to let it grow long again I believe, time to forget why I cut my hair short. 3 years, I'll let my hair grow and after that maybe, just maybe if I encounter another strong reason for change I'll cut it again, but for now, my mind's set on leaving it all out.

Old Photo.

February Again.

I'm almost there, just a little more and I would be seeing freely. University here i come!

Time to take all that was and keep it in that old box at the back of my head.
As for my heart?
Guess I'll have to do the same.

Lines.

Movies.

One of my forever top 3 movies, The Green Mile, Armageddon, Pearl Harbor. Can watch these ass long movies as many times as I want and I'll never get tired of it. They have everything from action to humour to heart wrenching scenes. I love these good movies.

Watching The Green Mile at 2am =D

AWESOME!

AWESOMEEEE!!!!

AWEEEESSSOOOMEEEE!!!

And when my heart wrenches it reminds me of more than what I see. But time has passed hasn't it? =)

Talking About Shit...

So im having a bad case of diarrhoea on Chinese New Year, so here's a post to humour myself in the future.

Diarrhoea on a normal day/holiday :
Meh let it all out... Won't be...*fart*....long now...sits on toilet the whole day and never leaves it EVER!!!

Diarrhoea on a school day :
Minutes before you step out of the door...*RUMBLERUMBLRBUMBLESPUNDOFADYINGWHALE* runs to toilet... No school trolololololol

Diarrhoea when you're asleep :
For the love of god my stomach hurts... Think I'm gonna have diarrhoea... But maybe it's just a fart.... Hmmmm..... I'm too tired for this shit I'm farting! *farts* well... Let's just say it wasn't a fart XD

Diarrhoea during visiting on festive occasions :
From personal experience? Alright alright I admit the sensation sucked but BUT! I have to say it was uberly funny to go around and shit only in the rich houses Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!! I mean hey if youre feeling like crap might as well pass it all out in comfort right? Hahahahahahaha the house owners probably hate my guts but whaddaya want me to do? Soil myself? Nay I say!!

Diarrhoea when there's no toilet :
Worst thing that can happen to any living creature. Let's just put it this way, how long can you hold in healthy solid shit? Not long right? Well imagine how hard it is to hold in watery shit when your body does not want to be your best bud and hold your shit in. God speed for those who are ever put into that situation!

Well all I can say is.... If you gotta go, you gotta go TEEHEE!!!
=)

Stance Is Made.

"Think of the more important things in life, not of those that are trivial and bring about trouble or misery."

A great thought, hard to execute. But I'm trying. With good music, light amateur photography, blogging, great inspirational reads and the start of uni, change will come? I want to change, to be less foolish and more mature. To be more sensitive to others and less selfish, to strive and not laze. As I've said before, February I await thee. =)

Little Notes.

When was the last time you wrote to someone? When was the last time you left a post it note on a book, computer, guitar or anything of someone you cared or care for? Think about it, when was the last time you scribbled on someone's book? Or even write some words on another persons hand? When was the last time you wrote down with your hand, with your own strength, your own words? What you feel and what you mean.

The future has made us forget something so simple yet precious. The art of writing. Back in the day we had letters and notes, hand made cards and handwritten assignments, now we type everything out. From mail to wishes to resumes to saying a simple hello. Words typed out, do they really carry what we mean, what our hearts want to convey? Typing can be done by anyone who knows how to on a computer, same fonts, same styles, underlined, bold, italic, Times New Roman, Arial, Comic Sans, Calibri, and the list goes on. But to write, like the design of ones fingerprint, is all different. The way one writes the letters "g" or "a", the strength used to write, the way they write their name at the bottom of each work. It is all different.

To write a note, just a little one changes the way we mingle with each other. It shows how close 2 people can be with each other or how much one person cares for the other. It can't be explained but hand written notes tend to carry a small part of your intentions with it, whether it's a way for you to be one step closer to the other person or just a glimmer of hope that the other person picks up that intention that came along with the note. A note, however little can mean so many things.

I personally never could grasp the concept of writing notes in my early teen years but towards the end of them I realised how important they can be. I can remember the exact words I wrote, those notes were always little but they always carried my intentions with them whether I knew it then or not. But now I know, if you ever find yourself writing notes to another person, that person is undeniably very important to you. And for those who receive these little notes, these notes aren't like valentines chocolates or casual words. These notes, they are memories, precious and fragile for you to keep, to look back on and remember how it all was back then.

So take out of a piece of paper, even a gum wrapper would do, and write a little note to the ones you care about.
Whether its an important note saying everything you want to say or just a few simple words, just remember, He or she waiting to receive it may just pick up whatever small intention you have for them. =)

For One More Day

Of One Self-Slain
By Charles Hanson Towne

When he went blundering back to God,
His songs half written, his work half done,
Who knows what paths his bruised feet trod,
What hills of peace or pain he won?

I hope God smiled & took his hand,
And said "Poor truant, passionate fool!
Life's book is hard to understand :
Why couldn't thou not remain at school?"

Fly Away.

Blue skies, white clouds,
The sunlight is bursting through the windows,
And I, Gazing outside,
Take in every ray of that majestic beauty.
God I love being in the sky,
Where all your troubles seem so far,
Yet the world is only a drop away.

Take me high, take me far,
Take me to where it is limitless,
Take me on these mechanical wings,
To places I've never been.
Where chances and doors await me,
To a world of new possibilities.

Fly away. =)

Currently playing : Valentine by Kina Grammis.

Baby I~ I will love you, I'll love you, I'll love you. So won't you be my honey bee? Giving me sweet kisses all the time, be mine, be my valentine.

I'm thinking of serenading this song to the next guy I fall in love with. Too crazy? XD

Up & Away.

Off to somewhere old,
Somewhere that's far from home but close to heart.
Crossing a sea in the early morning,
To the land where cats roam....
=)

Songs Songs Songs

Finding so many songs HOMG!!!! Thank you Switched At Birth! Your soundtracks are awesome, course if all sounds depressing but I loves. =)

Singers/ bands I <3 now :
He Is We
Lucy Schwartz
Ingrid Michaelson
James Blunt
The Weepies
Landon Pigg

Here is a heart, here is a heart. I made it for you so take it~

Up & Down.

Woke up and went DAFUQ was I thinking?! *smacks head* I have too many moments like this, first I say all these depressed ass shizz then I realise a few hours later what I said earlier was filled with idiocy!

I won't take back what I say here, cause well just cause.... Maybe just not yet TEEHEE!! I think I'm just really bored, things get worse due the lack of a social interaction. Yup, that's the most sensible reason u can muster. That and I'm insane XD

It's 7am sharp and u wanna go back to sleep, good night! =)

Can I Dream?

Wondering what would be now if I had been a lil different about things. The mini optimist in me says "Things will turn out perfectly, just you wait!", but the dominant pessimist in me keeps bringing me back here saying " I told you so but no.... You had to just go and hope that maybe exceptions exist!".

Hope is a beautiful thing no doubt, but I'm losing hope in hope. They say the first cut's the deepest. Even more when deep inside of you, you had already warned yourself against it. But ah well... Back to being a waiting pessimist. =) Here's another piece of my mind :

Even "friends" have its significance, but I don't feel significant...
Am I your friend?
Or am I just the backup?
I want to be like them,
But history makes awkward.
And I am not them.

I guess...
I'm still trying to be.
I'm looking for that "feeling" in the wrong place,
Always in the wrong places,
Always the wrong decisions,
It's all wrong...

It's 01.18am,
And I'm here,
Wondering.
Waiting for the dreams to take hold,
50/50 chance comes next,
A sweet dream or a nightmare,
And a 126% reality awaits me at the break of dawn.

I still have that one wish,
I don't know if I can make it come true,
But if I really can't fulfil it,
Then at least let my dreams last longer.
Is that possible?

City Lights & Memories

As i fly above the night sky,
My eyes are awarded by the view of the cities lighted with a million light bulbs.
I begin to wonder,
Aren't these city lights just like our memories?
Every light,
Bright or dim,
Represents a memory we hold onto from the day we're born till this very moment.
Remembering every trace of sight, sound, touch,
So beautiful,
So nostalgic.

But what of the lights that are no longer lit?
That have dimmed out though time & remain forgotten?
What of those lights?
What of those memories?
What then?

Who remembers them?
Who will remind us of them?

I fear one day i'll try to look back at the things i've done but will see nothing but darkness,
A blank slate,
As though it had never occurred.
Can you call forgotten history, history?
I'm afraid i'll forget,
As i easily do.

What must i do to keep all these memories alive like those bright city lights?
What must i do not to forget?

Home.

After 12 days,
I am home.

Funny how i remember the unimportant things,
i still listen to my heart too much,
I'm happy at the moment,
But the reality is this.

Those words.

Those words, those words that will never be for me.
I still want them, but it will never reach me.

Timeline of A Broken Heart.

One and a half years ago,
On that fateful July.
I was there,
You were there,
We met.

One month later,
I liked you.
It was my secret,
You were heart broken,
We were friends.

January 2011,
I thought we'd never meet again.
My heart skipped a beat when you walked through the door,
You invited me into your circle of friends,
We became inseparable.

March 2011,
 I made a horrible mistake.
My feelings for you wavered,
You stood by me still,
We were closer than ever.

April 2011,
I decided I never stopped liking you.
No, it wasn't like anymore,
I loved you.
You seemed to like me too,
We were... More than just friends.

And I fell,
Like a fool,
I fell deeper & deeper for you.
I never thought I'd come down from this high.
I was wrong,
Oh so wrong.

To fall in love with no one to catch you,
Will crush you from the inside,
No words can describe the pain.

Prom 2011,
I was so sure your heart was mine.
I was wrong,
You found someone new,
We began to drift apart.

September 2011,
My heart broke for the first time.
I hoped you would choose me,
But you chose her instead,
We,
There was no "we" anymore.

From that day till the 31st of December,
I've cried,
Lost all sense of control,
Made worse choices,
Asked questions that will never be answered.
I struggled,
Struggled to let go of you.

Every song is a memory of you,
Every sight I relate to you,
Every day I think of you,
Still do.
And every night I dream of you,
Still do.
I made you my everything,
When I was, am nothing to you.

It's 2012,
My head wants to move ahead,
My heart is stuck on 2011,
I'm stuck on you,
And you're stuck on her,
As you should be.

Happy New Year, I love you.

And even if you wont ever say this back to me, I don't & won't regret saying this. 

I'll say it again & again. 

I love you, 

I love you,

I love you,

I love you,

I still love you.

Happy New Year. =)

New year?

The fairy tales in my mind will forever be only a dream
A fake memory of what I wished I could do, planned to do or even tried to do.
I guess I haven't stopped dreaming, so I haven't stopped wishing either.

It's a new year, but in my mind, you're still there.
 Something I want to put behind me but my heart won't allow it.
Am I stupid for still holding on?
Yes. I know it, but still still...

It's a new year, Please god send me someone who will sweep me off my feet like the one in my heart did. Someone new, someone who'll wait for me if I made a horrible mistake. Someone like him but will like me back.

But who am I to ask such things? Happy New Year, I still like you. =)

Playing : He Is We - Pour Me Out.