Note

Hello blog. I is stressed. I has loads of work to do. Yet I is here.... Because it makes sense to procrastinate right? NO CURRRRR!!!!!!

"Weirdly attractive"

That's new, I can work with that. 

Random Shizz.

Teen Wolf directors, I simply love you guys. Season 3 has been great so far, not so much on the storyline but how you guys set up the interactions between the characters. I'm just addicted. Plus I find Daniel Sharman increasingly attractive, god dammit sweet puppy face!

Rain, Tears, Pain.

It's cliche to cry in the rain,

But sometimes,

When you can't cry,

Rain falls on your cheek and turn to tears,

It somewhat feels like the sky is crying for us,

But who am I kidding?

No one would cry for us,

They can only represent a fraction of our emotions.

So let us drown in the rain,

It doesn't help,

But somehow it makes us feel understood.

Rain won't wash away our pain,

But with it,

Maybe we'll accept our pain,

And live with it.

What You Do To Me.

There is a knock on my window,
You've come again my love,
Like many times before,
I am drawn to you,
I know better but I am still a fool.

Acknowledging you is like being shot,
Okay, that's a lie,
I don't know what it's like to be shot,
So I'll say it feels like the impact of a fall.
The moment your body hits the ground and your spirit is knocked out of you,
But that doesn't quiet describe the feeling does it?

I rewind the music box that plays our tale,
Such beauty,
Such happiness,
Such passion.
It was not love,
I hadn't known then.

I let you in as I always do,
And I smile.
Why have you returned my love?
You returned a smile tinged with mischief,
I've come to stab your heart again my dear.

You're halfway in,
I put a hand on your chest,
As if a final test.
Nothing,
You have no heart for me.

Enough,
I stop you from coming any further.
You look at me,
Confused and surprised.
Confused by the fact that I could say no,
Surprised by the fact that I pushed you out of the window.

I see you fall,
And it is a long fall.
I do not see where you land,
But I can hear the thud.
I do not expect you to come back soon,
I hope you don't at all.
Nor forgive me for what I had done,
I'm sorry for not being sorry.

For a moment I am triumphant,
For a moment I can breathe again,
Then I realise,
There is pain.
I now see an arrow,
Wedged in between my chest.
It's hit my heart,
I know it has,
It is mine after all.

I can't pull it out,
I can't push it through,
It's stuck,
Right in my heart.
Looking at it,
I noticed this weapon is different from the ones before.

I begin to laugh and cry,
How cruel of you to remind me in such a way,
For a knife would require you to come close,
An arrow on the other hand,
Can be shot from far away.

Will I never be free of you?

In The Mirror.

The sound of scratching,
The clicking of teeth,
There is something here.

The air is foul, the stink of hate,
There is no ground, an endless pit,
There is nothing here.

The dark is blinding,
The silence too loud,
What creatures reside within?

Out there,
A face looking in, never seeing.
Flawless and innocent,
That is what it wants to see.

Flashing a smile, it disappears,
Carrying it's lies and deceit,
Adding poison to the filth.

No one sees.
No one knows.
No one suspects.

But I do,
I am always there to witness the fall, the change.
I move as you do, talk as you do, look exactly like you.

You know what I am,
You see me in the darkest places,
Always in a place most familiar to you.

I am the creature within,
Do you understand now?

"Man prefers to believe what he prefers to be true" - Francis Bacon.
Art by Johannes Rantapuska

Something I wrote a while back during my seniors' thesis presentation.

Time.

It's only been a little more than a month,
It's ONLY been a little more than a month.
How is it that time is both fast and slow?
A blink of an eye,
An endless eternity,
Same amount of time.
Time is defined by the seconds and hours and minutes,
But it fluctuates with perception.
I want more time,
I wish time would pass faster.
We want both,
But time only moves in one direction at the same speed.
It never slows down,
Never speeds up.
Knowing this,
We still continue to wish for what we can't have.
Stubborn, selfish, hopeless,
Such is the endless greed of men.

Walls and Intruders.

We start with simple twigs and pebbles,
Small barricades,
Fragile and loose.
They rarely hold.
But we get better,
As humans always do.

We learn to use bigger and heavier materials,
Bricks, cement, iron,
All to build higher and tougher,
And in doing so,
Forgetting to make an entrance or exit.

We never stop building,
We don't want to risk anyone getting past our fort,
Because sometimes,
Those who enter won't leave,
And you'll have to build a wall behind your wall.

And if those outsiders insist of saying close,
All you can do is push them off your fort,
And pray they won't try again,
Even if you want them to.

Fly Now Little Robin.

Little robin,
Born a machine of war,
A heart waiting to be found,
Dawned those feathers of green and yellow,
Doing his father proud,
To protect their kingdom of 2.
Youngest to fly,
Strongest of all.

Little robin,
Your dance with the bat has come to an end,
Time to rest those wings,
You're in your fathers arms now,
Know that your mother shed a tear for you.
Youngest to fly,
Last to fall.

Little robin,
Sleep now,
You who were and are loved.
Youngest to fly,
Youngest to die.

To Have A Heart.

What does it mean to have a heart? Must one care to prove they have a heart? Must something be shown to prove it's existence? Why can't the feeling be simply understood as "Okay, I know what's real and that's enough."? Okay so I don't care about a lot of things, fine. Generally I don't care about anything I won't have contact with, simple as that. Yes, even family.

Truth be told, is it weird that I test people by showing them the horrible side of me? I mean if you know me well enough, you'd know who I really am, isn't that enough? Why do I need people who don't want to see past my faults to be friends with me? And that applies to family, do I really need to show my appreciation and gratitude to them to let them know I love them? Isn't it already understood? Because if you don't understand that, it means you don't know me at all.

Tonight I'm disappointed to know you guys are just like the rest of those strangers I call acquaintances. Each day I say "I love you" I mean it. But if you don't believe that then it's ok, it just goes to show I can't trust you guys either.

So now I have to do a "good deed" everyday for 3 fucking months because fuck ya'll for not being the understanding people I thought you were. I'm not even gonna do it, I mean, come on! Not kicking a dog is a good deed! No I don't kick dogs, just an example. So punish me to do good deeds for the rest of my life, it won't solve anything, it's just a waste of my time and it'll further blur the meaning of why I do things for people I care for because now, it's an obligation, a duty, another reason to get you guys off my back. So congratulations on making me a worse person than I am. Even the good things I do now wont be from the heart. Talk about being ironic.

You asked if I would forget you one day if I leave, I probably won't but I won't care enough to show you the love because it should be understood. I am your child, not your partner who can potentially become unfaithful. The love that binds us is unbreakable but if you don't believe it's there and are paranoid about it disappearing then it will. I'm sorry you don't understand who I am, not can you see what I hold dear in my heart.

And each day of my life becomes more dreaded. Whoopdeedoo!

Sarawak.

Last week of hols and I'm spending it in Sarawak. Being back here is so relaxing and the food..... God the food is marvellous. Sarawak laksa is the best, THE BEST LAKSA in the world! Gonna be having laksa for breakfast again tomorrow, can't wait! I really really need to work out after this, like for real, I've gotten too fat.....

Other than that I've been sleeping way too much as well. Like I sleep 5 hours in the day and I get 10 hours of sleep at night, s it up and that's more than half a day..... Perfect..... I'm officially a sloth.

Anyway, I'm gonna be missing my first day of class and I'm so disappointed because I'll be missing my favourite teachers class and god knows what important information I'll miss out in the tutorial? Gotta remember to mail him about me missing class. I'm so glad I passed my 3rd sem just hope my GPA was good.

Well it's 2.30am and I think I should sleep soon before I end up thinking about things I shouldn't. Goodnight maybe? =)

Quicky.

Tests and shit. Must study and not Tumblr.....

I've Changed?

Marking points of change,

Really we can never really see how we change unless it's a huge difference,

Living with someone everyday,

You don't see how they've changed,

Try seeing them once a year,

You'll notice so much more.

Sometimes,

You don't notice you yourself have changed,

For better or for worse,

It takes some feedback to find out.

"I'm same old me but different"

I can't wrap my head around the idea,

But I guess if it's not for the worse,

I'll keep doing what I'm doing,

Even I have no idea what it is exactly I'm doing.

=)

Whirlwind.

When your world is a whirlwind,

And your life is a path of wreckage,

Remember who you are.

When you can't see where you're headed,

And want to self destruct,

Remember who you are.

When you're alone and broken,

And no one is there to pick you up,

Remember who you are.

We are the heart of the storm,

We are strength,

We are rage,

We are invincible,

We are fear,

We are love.

Never forget what makes us stand tall,

Family?

Friends?

Society?

The government?

School?

They do not.

Look in the mirror.

We do.

We create the storm,

And we will not be stopped.

Fun Day and Downloads!

Awesome day today, dressed up like a chic for once, first 2 classes were cancelled and karaoke-ed like a mad person with my psycho friends. Man I never knew how stress relieving loud and incoherent singing was hahahahah!

Gonna start my late night Scrubs marathons. I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE UP TO SEASON 8 OF SCRUBS!!! Love that show.

I have this, all the animated Batman movies and 7gig plus of DC comics to fuel me for the next I dunno..... Till the end of this year? Fuck my studies!!!

Anyways, yeah that's it for now. I hope my throat doesn't die tomorrow oh oh and I'm suppose to guide children this Saturday! I am just jumping for joy! *thick sarcasm*

Raya and Shit.

Well this was long overdue! I thought I posted this up, dang it! Raya this year was superbly insane, well maybe not superbly but insane? Sorta. It's 2.30 am-ish so I'll just cut the whole Raya story short.

1.) Good news is I'm an aunt now, yeah..... baby Aaron was born on Raya eve so that pretty much cut our "staff" availability by 2. Though my grandma had been here for almost 3 weeks and she helped cooked almost all the awesome dishes during the puasa and Raya periods. Gotta love ma grandma!

2.) "Slaved" away for the first 5 days of Raya (not including the days I helped with cookie making and rendang stirring and stuff). The day before Raya (18th of August), me and my second brother slaved away with chores and cooking and chores and chores and chores and more cooking and cleaning up stuff and stuff late as expected. Did I mention that my finals were on the 27th?

3.) Anyway 1st day of Raya I believe was relaxed cause we didn't have many people come to the house. So blah!

4.) 2nd day was a lil crazy but I wasn't there cause.....wait wait I tell story! That was the day my second brother's friends were scheduled to come over so yeah everything was all good and stuff, until my cousins came. And it like BOOOOM! Ok so there weren't that many people just like 5 ish brother's friends, 2 of my sis in-laws family, 1 of my older brother's best friends, my family of 8 (plus grandma and baby) and my 7 well built cousins? Thta's not too much for a medium sized terrace house right? Right? IT'S JUST LIKE 23 PEOPLE IN MY HOUSE!!!!!! So yeah, we ran out of chicken for curry (WHICH I NOW PROUDLY COOK!) so..... I drove my dad to get that and some other stuff, got back and ended up heading out with my cousins to 2 different shopping malls, watched Expandables 2, had "lunch", dinner, dessert AND learned how to play an addictive card game. Got home at 10 and went on with the card game till 12 before the ciao-ed. Super duper awesome day! All that with finals coming up on the 27th, just sayin, course I finished studying 1 subject already so thank god.

5.) 3rd day was as crazy cause it was booked for my mom's possie. Don't remember much other than the oh so wonderful fried chicken my dad makes. And the mess but that was still ok. Really, it was even with like yet again 20+ people flooding the house again.


P.s - I don't remember how many times we talked throughout Raya, was it 3 times? I can't be sure but you sure as hell know how to make me smile and laugh. =)

P.p.s - Have I said this before? Cause even if I have I'll say it again, all of my favorite stories are about you. =)

Life and such and such.

Feel like I haven't been in here in ages! I think it's only been a week plus? But still!! Anyway....so the new semester has started and oh I got 3.35 last sem which my mom did not kill me for, which is...... Epicly weird. Expected to die from scoring so low. This sem I have to juggle 6 subjects hopefully I don't screw up again! It's gonna be tough especially now that they've mixed all the semesters together, IMU is cheap that way hahahahaha but seriously.

On a lighter note, I've been going batman crazy! Downloaded almost all of the batman animated movies and now I'm beginning with the comics but I'm focussing more on Dick Grayson and so on. So yeah....

That's about it folks =D

P.s - Can't possibly compete with that. Ah well, never could to begin with.

Finals, Holiday, Work and Stuff.

Finished my finals, which hopefully I did not screw up. And the 2 weeks holiday BEGINS!!!! Not that it makes much of a difference anyway. Been helping my brother with summary and editing jobs which provides relatively good pay, bout 6 hours for RM 65? The time is just a guesstimation cause the pay depends on the pages, quality, etc. Good way of getting information really so I don't mind doing it, course plus point for the pay =D I wonder how much I can make in 2 weeks......hmmm...... we shall see.

P.s - So I'm guessing it's gonna be a week plus plus before anything........ Well, that's what happens when you're not number 1 right?

P.p.s - Will be posting about raya soon =D

D=

Super massive headache..... Ugh...... I feel like my life is horribly disorientated.

Tumblr Feels.

Masked.

So...... I went for a make up class..... mmm...hmmmm....right..... so I know how to do make up now? No pics though can't seem to feel nice in make up, too much of a mask on top of a mask. Unnecessary. But heck it's just another skill.

P.s - There were rarely people from there, so..... is it possible?
P.p.s - Remember, you're not special.