The Best-Worst Day Ever (for now).

That awkward moment when some guy working in a restaurant hits on you. Oh god...... really, really like no kidding.....WHY????

In short my day = Suicide talk + Sathya + mee with milkshake + VOMIT + getting hit on.

(Not bad?)

So basically mom's been in Indonesia for the past 1 week, leaving me with UNLIMITED WIFI USAGE AND FREEDOM!!!!!! *magical music* Well it doesn't really make that much difference if she's not here anyway cause my dad's around but like, life's less stressful without her popping out from somewhere reminding me I'm not good enough. Okay.... that sounded bad, but we all have that one parent that pushes us right? If you do, you'll know what I mean.

Anyhoo..... Got up at 7a.m for a talk on depression and suicide. It was okay, pretty informative and oh I think I'm depressed hahahahahaha! Which is..... just wonderful but yeah whatever. Not suicidal ......YET!!! Hahahahaha but seriously I'm all good. =D

Went to Sathya's after the talk cause well the Clay Workshop got cancelled.... wait I mean postponed, which was superbly disappointing. Went to some cafe after picking up her car and like had this "ying yong" mee which came out to be twice the portion I thought it to be and a pretty darn big bottle of milkshake like juice called "sunrise". It was all great......at first. I mean me and Sathya practically laughed our heads off about being mean and oh so many events that's happened over the past month. *cough hotdog cough miss-texting cough* Ah gosh.... I think I've found someone who really matches my brain in IMU.

So towards the end, I couldn't finish the mee but I shoved most of it down leaving like 3 scoops left on the plate and then attempted to finish the over sized drink which had loads of milk in it. That's where the trouble began......You know that sweaty, cold, stomach grinding feeling you get when you know you're gonna hurl? Yeah..... It hit me, BAD. I felt the cold creeping up my neck and I told myself, "okay, okay, just breathe, you're not gonna hurl, let the food go down".....we talked some more and I find that I can't laugh anymore, and I need to burp, but if I did..... I would have hurled for sure. So I held it in and told Sathya I was gonna hurl very soon so we ciao-ed the place. But while walking back...... I was waaaaay to woozy to keep it in and I just know, I'M GONNA BLOW! So I was like "Sathya..... where can I vomit?" The sidewalk didn't have a freaking drain, they had at all covered up with concrete so fuck my life I had to hurl on it...... And true enough it ALL came out but surprisingly it didn't feel bad, not one bit. Unlike the usual burn you get, it was just like "PHEW! thank god that's out!" and I could actually burst out laughing after! Got back to Sathya's place without hurling so apparently it was all out and I just over ate. Well on a side note, I wasn't feeling too good from this morning so cut me some slack will you?

After that I slept and yeah went home and went to Murni. Typical outside eating spot when my mom's not around. So right.... everything is fine and dandy. Had great convos with my dad ranging from politics to the media to statistics to my uni assignment. Then I go pay the bill at the counter and like..... okay so before I get to the story, there's this guy who works in Murni that kinda well..... has been hitting on me? I mean I find him sweet and all....but......NO. hahhahahahahahaha He always like tosses smiles at me, tries to tend to our table as frequent as he can and always and I swear ALWAYS gives me discounts for my food. So no, I'm not full of myself dammit! And this time..... he wasn't at the counter but...... his friends were like "oh, yours is free today. *+ smiley face*" and I'm just like "what? *you've gotta be kidding me face + oh please don't be what I think it's gonna be*" and they just smile and said "our manager said it's on the house....... by the way, can he have your number?".

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm gonna be frank with you and admit that I act like a prick when people do shit like this to me. Okay maybe not a full out prick cause I don't throw a bitch fit and go all NOOOOOO all over the place. I just...... keep repeating "you're kidding right?" with that stupid face of mine. I FEEL AWKWARD OKAY!!!! And that's the only way I know how to react..... So I kept that up and I was like "can I say no?" Cause like I'm not giving some dude my number just cause he paid for my food! Jeez! This went on for what seemed to be like forever and they were like "Never mind, the food is on the house, next time...." *oh god...... kill me now..... metaphorically of course* My dad just laughs..... and I'm well flattered but like.....like......nooo...... nooooo...... nooooo...... I hope I never have to go back to that place..... sigh......  Today was the best-worst day ever!

Something that made me laugh at night =D

Nothing Good Happens After 2am.

That awkward moment where your mom catches you playing dress up at 2am........... Oh god why?

Yes. I do like to try on clothes and piece together cosplay/anime like outfits on very very rare occasions OKAY! Geez....... Don't remember the last time I did something like this. And just when my mom thinks I'm all dude in and out, she catches me doing this....... *grunts*

Gonna force myself to sleep in embarrassment now......

Anime version of DC chicks.
From left : Supergirl, Powergirl, Wondergirl, Zatanna, Batgirl.

February Huh...?

Good news is i'm not tired anymore, apparently changing sleeping angles helped so thanks for the gazzilion-eth time Dickson for that brilliant idea. But somehow i wish i had that drowsy and dead feeling with me, would help me a whole lot in blocking out things that i don't wanna see. Maybe i'll switch it back just for now till after the Talent Show. I'm getting fed up pretty quickly nowadays, i mean i found it awesome that i could stay back more than usual, but now i wish i didn't have to at all.

I'm tired, not physically, but mentally, something in me is telling me that i don't wanna do this anymore, secrets and lies all of them, i can't tell them apart. Everything is fake, everything is made up, nothing is genuine anymore. What gives? And the restrictions GAH! It's gnawing my guts. The urge to find out more and to care but at the same time i don't want to for my own sake. Contradictions make me easily agitated. The only relief i can find are with people who don't know anything, people who aren't related to this all, only there can my mind be set apart from what's bothering me. For that i thank those other people in L.I.V.E. But not all of them, just those with a balanced amount of seriousness in them.

I can't bring myself to blend in with the crazies sometimes, sometimes i feel it's just too much fun. Everything is a joke, and noise! I can't seem to handle it anymore, it's loud and pointless and it's a waste of time. I search for talks now and not meaningless conversations that lead nowhere. Am i being too serious? I don't know, all i know is i'm a lil fed up with all this.

I can't sit or stand there spacing out, no i'm not skilled at hiding what i have inside, it's all just splashed all over my face, i become vacant, distracted, distant, silent, uncaring and other things. Then it becomes too worrying for those around me. I see them, those eyes. Filled with questions and worry. Strange thing is i'd rather you ask me if i'm ok rather than have you people staring at me and wondering inside of you if i am. I mean i'd probably lie but hey! ask will you? Geez... If you're not gonna ask don't keep giving me the "are you ok?' look. It freaking pisses me off! Those stares or looks you give burn holes in me. And somehow...it makes my heart ache, i don't know why.

So, i hide. Literally. Sitting upside down in a chair hurts like hell after you get up but heck it's much better than having to see those worried faces. Better yet, blood flows into my head and the pain in my back increases so much that i can't think. I can only but focus on the physical pain i put myself in. But i can't keep doing this. Need to find other ways to distract myself. Sigh....maybe i'll start a countdown timer to February. Maybe i'll have some sort of relief there.



February huh....?