Note

Hello blog. I is stressed. I has loads of work to do. Yet I is here.... Because it makes sense to procrastinate right? NO CURRRRR!!!!!!

"Weirdly attractive"

That's new, I can work with that. 

Bound Now, Free Tomorrow.

Exams have taken over my life,

6 papers is do-able?

Studying and exams,

The best way I can describe this is,

The feeling of knowing something without knowing anything at all.

Don't we all wish we had photographic memories?

You know what?

I know the first thing I wanna do after exams,

I wanna shoot some arrows,

I wanna drown my self in demented movies,

I wanna read books and novels.

Soon, soon.

While I'm still my own person and unowned,

Free and unbound.

Just Something About My Path.

The path I favour has once again been opened.

First it was a western based education,

Then it was Psychology,

More specifically Criminal Psych.

I was discouraged,

But it would seem that the odds now favour me.

Well if I graduate.

Something I Hate.

I despise helping people who I don't think deserve it.

Not all the time,

Just mainly studies.

I run on a simple concept,

If you won't spend time listening or attending class then it's your own fault for not knowing.

Don't ask me for my notes.

I really hate it.

But I have no choice but to give it,

Cause I don't want to be mean,

Nor do I want to be treated the same way,

Because I sorta do it too.

But I don't photocopy people's notes,

I simply ask what I don't know.

Fucking study it yourself!

I came to class and listened,

I gave my time up,

What did you do?

Fuck this man!

I don't want to share because what I have is all I have to be better.

I hate that I'm like this but I hate freeloaders more.

The anger builds in me until I feel like throwing up.

But I won't say no.

I mean how can I?

P.s - Secretly, what I really hate is the fact that I work so hard yet I still can't perform and for someone who gives half or no effort to freeload off of me and score better is just detestable. I simply resent the thought of it. I really feel like punching someones' lights out.

In The Mirror.

The sound of scratching,
The clicking of teeth,
There is something here.

The air is foul, the stink of hate,
There is no ground, an endless pit,
There is nothing here.

The dark is blinding,
The silence too loud,
What creatures reside within?

Out there,
A face looking in, never seeing.
Flawless and innocent,
That is what it wants to see.

Flashing a smile, it disappears,
Carrying it's lies and deceit,
Adding poison to the filth.

No one sees.
No one knows.
No one suspects.

But I do,
I am always there to witness the fall, the change.
I move as you do, talk as you do, look exactly like you.

You know what I am,
You see me in the darkest places,
Always in a place most familiar to you.

I am the creature within,
Do you understand now?

"Man prefers to believe what he prefers to be true" - Francis Bacon.
Art by Johannes Rantapuska

Something I wrote a while back during my seniors' thesis presentation.

Time.

It's only been a little more than a month,
It's ONLY been a little more than a month.
How is it that time is both fast and slow?
A blink of an eye,
An endless eternity,
Same amount of time.
Time is defined by the seconds and hours and minutes,
But it fluctuates with perception.
I want more time,
I wish time would pass faster.
We want both,
But time only moves in one direction at the same speed.
It never slows down,
Never speeds up.
Knowing this,
We still continue to wish for what we can't have.
Stubborn, selfish, hopeless,
Such is the endless greed of men.

Sarawak.

Last week of hols and I'm spending it in Sarawak. Being back here is so relaxing and the food..... God the food is marvellous. Sarawak laksa is the best, THE BEST LAKSA in the world! Gonna be having laksa for breakfast again tomorrow, can't wait! I really really need to work out after this, like for real, I've gotten too fat.....

Other than that I've been sleeping way too much as well. Like I sleep 5 hours in the day and I get 10 hours of sleep at night, s it up and that's more than half a day..... Perfect..... I'm officially a sloth.

Anyway, I'm gonna be missing my first day of class and I'm so disappointed because I'll be missing my favourite teachers class and god knows what important information I'll miss out in the tutorial? Gotta remember to mail him about me missing class. I'm so glad I passed my 3rd sem just hope my GPA was good.

Well it's 2.30am and I think I should sleep soon before I end up thinking about things I shouldn't. Goodnight maybe? =)

Study, Study, Study.

Things we wished we did earlier,
Deeds needed to be done,
Work that could have been completed,
Information we could have accumulated.

Am I the only one who wished I could turn back time just so that I would have studied when I had all the time in the world?
Cramping 14 weeks of 6 subjects is definitely insane shit right there. But I never do learn.
Stress..... Need a tub of ice cream to fall from the sky sometime soon. D=

I've Changed?

Marking points of change,

Really we can never really see how we change unless it's a huge difference,

Living with someone everyday,

You don't see how they've changed,

Try seeing them once a year,

You'll notice so much more.

Sometimes,

You don't notice you yourself have changed,

For better or for worse,

It takes some feedback to find out.

"I'm same old me but different"

I can't wrap my head around the idea,

But I guess if it's not for the worse,

I'll keep doing what I'm doing,

Even I have no idea what it is exactly I'm doing.

=)

The Best-Worst Day Ever (for now).

That awkward moment when some guy working in a restaurant hits on you. Oh god...... really, really like no kidding.....WHY????

In short my day = Suicide talk + Sathya + mee with milkshake + VOMIT + getting hit on.

(Not bad?)

So basically mom's been in Indonesia for the past 1 week, leaving me with UNLIMITED WIFI USAGE AND FREEDOM!!!!!! *magical music* Well it doesn't really make that much difference if she's not here anyway cause my dad's around but like, life's less stressful without her popping out from somewhere reminding me I'm not good enough. Okay.... that sounded bad, but we all have that one parent that pushes us right? If you do, you'll know what I mean.

Anyhoo..... Got up at 7a.m for a talk on depression and suicide. It was okay, pretty informative and oh I think I'm depressed hahahahahaha! Which is..... just wonderful but yeah whatever. Not suicidal ......YET!!! Hahahahaha but seriously I'm all good. =D

Went to Sathya's after the talk cause well the Clay Workshop got cancelled.... wait I mean postponed, which was superbly disappointing. Went to some cafe after picking up her car and like had this "ying yong" mee which came out to be twice the portion I thought it to be and a pretty darn big bottle of milkshake like juice called "sunrise". It was all great......at first. I mean me and Sathya practically laughed our heads off about being mean and oh so many events that's happened over the past month. *cough hotdog cough miss-texting cough* Ah gosh.... I think I've found someone who really matches my brain in IMU.

So towards the end, I couldn't finish the mee but I shoved most of it down leaving like 3 scoops left on the plate and then attempted to finish the over sized drink which had loads of milk in it. That's where the trouble began......You know that sweaty, cold, stomach grinding feeling you get when you know you're gonna hurl? Yeah..... It hit me, BAD. I felt the cold creeping up my neck and I told myself, "okay, okay, just breathe, you're not gonna hurl, let the food go down".....we talked some more and I find that I can't laugh anymore, and I need to burp, but if I did..... I would have hurled for sure. So I held it in and told Sathya I was gonna hurl very soon so we ciao-ed the place. But while walking back...... I was waaaaay to woozy to keep it in and I just know, I'M GONNA BLOW! So I was like "Sathya..... where can I vomit?" The sidewalk didn't have a freaking drain, they had at all covered up with concrete so fuck my life I had to hurl on it...... And true enough it ALL came out but surprisingly it didn't feel bad, not one bit. Unlike the usual burn you get, it was just like "PHEW! thank god that's out!" and I could actually burst out laughing after! Got back to Sathya's place without hurling so apparently it was all out and I just over ate. Well on a side note, I wasn't feeling too good from this morning so cut me some slack will you?

After that I slept and yeah went home and went to Murni. Typical outside eating spot when my mom's not around. So right.... everything is fine and dandy. Had great convos with my dad ranging from politics to the media to statistics to my uni assignment. Then I go pay the bill at the counter and like..... okay so before I get to the story, there's this guy who works in Murni that kinda well..... has been hitting on me? I mean I find him sweet and all....but......NO. hahhahahahahahaha He always like tosses smiles at me, tries to tend to our table as frequent as he can and always and I swear ALWAYS gives me discounts for my food. So no, I'm not full of myself dammit! And this time..... he wasn't at the counter but...... his friends were like "oh, yours is free today. *+ smiley face*" and I'm just like "what? *you've gotta be kidding me face + oh please don't be what I think it's gonna be*" and they just smile and said "our manager said it's on the house....... by the way, can he have your number?".

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm gonna be frank with you and admit that I act like a prick when people do shit like this to me. Okay maybe not a full out prick cause I don't throw a bitch fit and go all NOOOOOO all over the place. I just...... keep repeating "you're kidding right?" with that stupid face of mine. I FEEL AWKWARD OKAY!!!! And that's the only way I know how to react..... So I kept that up and I was like "can I say no?" Cause like I'm not giving some dude my number just cause he paid for my food! Jeez! This went on for what seemed to be like forever and they were like "Never mind, the food is on the house, next time...." *oh god...... kill me now..... metaphorically of course* My dad just laughs..... and I'm well flattered but like.....like......nooo...... nooooo...... nooooo...... I hope I never have to go back to that place..... sigh......  Today was the best-worst day ever!

Something that made me laugh at night =D

Fun Day and Downloads!

Awesome day today, dressed up like a chic for once, first 2 classes were cancelled and karaoke-ed like a mad person with my psycho friends. Man I never knew how stress relieving loud and incoherent singing was hahahahah!

Gonna start my late night Scrubs marathons. I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE UP TO SEASON 8 OF SCRUBS!!! Love that show.

I have this, all the animated Batman movies and 7gig plus of DC comics to fuel me for the next I dunno..... Till the end of this year? Fuck my studies!!!

Anyways, yeah that's it for now. I hope my throat doesn't die tomorrow oh oh and I'm suppose to guide children this Saturday! I am just jumping for joy! *thick sarcasm*

Life and such and such.

Feel like I haven't been in here in ages! I think it's only been a week plus? But still!! Anyway....so the new semester has started and oh I got 3.35 last sem which my mom did not kill me for, which is...... Epicly weird. Expected to die from scoring so low. This sem I have to juggle 6 subjects hopefully I don't screw up again! It's gonna be tough especially now that they've mixed all the semesters together, IMU is cheap that way hahahahaha but seriously.

On a lighter note, I've been going batman crazy! Downloaded almost all of the batman animated movies and now I'm beginning with the comics but I'm focussing more on Dick Grayson and so on. So yeah....

That's about it folks =D

P.s - Can't possibly compete with that. Ah well, never could to begin with.

Finals, Holiday, Work and Stuff.

Finished my finals, which hopefully I did not screw up. And the 2 weeks holiday BEGINS!!!! Not that it makes much of a difference anyway. Been helping my brother with summary and editing jobs which provides relatively good pay, bout 6 hours for RM 65? The time is just a guesstimation cause the pay depends on the pages, quality, etc. Good way of getting information really so I don't mind doing it, course plus point for the pay =D I wonder how much I can make in 2 weeks......hmmm...... we shall see.

P.s - So I'm guessing it's gonna be a week plus plus before anything........ Well, that's what happens when you're not number 1 right?

P.p.s - Will be posting about raya soon =D

Passing Marks.

Partially jumping for joy cause now I know for sure that I've PASSED! YES!!!! Then I realise I don't know my proper results and now I'm having that sick feeling in my stomach, oh god, what if my results are bad? My mother is going to kill me!

I know most people would be happy with a "pass" but no, not my mother. Well who can blame her for wanting her children to strive? But sometimes I'm so afraid that I can't reach her standards and gradually I stopped trying but that fear never ever disappears.

In all honesty I want to score high and be top student but I've become someone who's satisfied with just a mere pass..... Ah well, now to wait for the official results.

PASS....PASSS...PASSSSS is all i see =D

Busy and Within.

These few days have been pretty eventful. And yes I know I said hiatus, for the second time I think? I'm just gonna say screw it! Hahahahahah basically I've been studying over at Sathya and Yashis' with Zaidah, much much MUCH more productive than when I do it alone. So cheers to that! =D

On a side note :
I don't why, but could it be that because I'm busy with my life that....... I don't seem to be bothered at all by this? I used to get frustrated just waiting for the moments, but now I'm....... No longer looking forward to you? I mean I do think about you, but it doesn't bother me like it used to that we don't talk often.

Right now I can't tell if I'm too busy or I simply can't find much to converse with you or I'm simply over you.

Well no point wondering anyway right? What shall be, shall be.

"这个世界上没有偶然, 只有必然"

Blue skies through bars

Hiatus.

Gotta put this baby on hold for 2 weeks. Finals are next week and I'm basically screwed. I'm still not studying! Hopefully I can get some productive info from Sathya and Yashi. I gotta admit, these Psychos are pretty darn awesome! Meanwhile I'm going back to watching Young Justice and soon I'll be making stories in my head. =)

The bat family asking the bats to take care <3!

Crazy Week.

It's a hectic hectic week, and it gets worse next week. God, finals and coming up and I feel like I haven't learned anything. THIS.IS.BAD. On a lighter note, according to Sandra Bem's gender schema theory i am very much masculine...... hahahahahahaahahaha! The epic part was i was more manly than one dude in my class! Ah.... good times good times. Hmm.... there were some other things i wanted to talk about, but Research Methods has wiped my brain clean. Oh no, Oh no..... I need to organize my time better.

P.s - Is it wrong for me to wonder about what you're doing?
P.p.s - Then I begin to wonder, who is it exactly that I miss, the boy I like or my best friend. =/ ---> =D

Hypnosis Realization.

Throughout this post is will be using the parenthesis a lot, for those of you who don't know what that it is, it's these thingies ( "  " ). YAY! You learned something new! Anyway, the reason for using the parenthesis is because I'm not sure if I actually went through that state or if it was what she had wanted us to experience or is it the right term for what happened. Yeah.... TO THE STORY!

What do you know about hypnosis? Right now you're probably thinking of some corny dude who's swinging his pocket watch back and forth in front of you or the psychopath who's using the clicking sounds of a clock to control your mind, but nah it ain't anywhere close! It's actually.... Rather funny? Hahahahahaha! Add a dash of realization in there as well.

So thing was, me and my psycho mates decided that we would like to be hypnotised to make us want to study more. Yeah I can only wish right? I still don't know if it worked, I'm starting to doubt it cause I'm sitting here glued to Glee hahahahaha! So the interesting part is how my teacher "put us under". So first we have to relax totally and she "guides" us by telling us what we should feel and see. It goes from feeling each breath we take, then loosen our shoulders, back, legs and the whole body.

After "total relaxation", it turned to going to somewhere we loved, I........ ended up on a random beach, and I was thinking "I don't love beaches.... But ok.....I'll just see where this goes". But fine, I did use the sound of waves to calm and relax me, so technically that would explain why I was there. Then she asked to us to explore around, I felt like I was tracking through the Amazon forest! I don't know why! But my mind is weird like that, I don't "not love" forests, but it wouldn't be the favorite place in the world!

Next thing she tells us is, we see a chair. A chair meant only for us in this "world" of ours. And guess what chair came into my head? Of all the chairs.......mine was a chair at the freaking barber shop. This time, I smack my head and go "WHADDAFARK?! A BARBERS CHAIR? REALLY?". It was all metal rimmed with slight red cushions......I think my mind's a real screwed up place, cause really? How is that a relaxing chair?

About this point I just about had enough of letting my brain roam freely, I decided that directing my thoughts to aid my relaxation wouldn't hurt. Chillax, it was all good. =D I thought of chairs, of all the chairs or places I've sat, where was the most relaxing, the one that could make me feel totally myself and nothing but happy. I ended up in the front seat of a Kancil...... Yeah..... I swear I didn't plan for it to happen but that scene stuck with me and soon after I fell asleep, which by the way was what my teacher had hoped to achieve.

After we woke up from the "trance", I was so baffled at how much those times had affected me. And even though those days will never return, I'm glad I had them. I'm starting to not regret more and more things from the past and instead finding myself smiling like a total idiot most of the time. Looks like the turbulence has finally started to die down for real eh? =)

P.s - I is handsome aren't I? Hahahahaha!

I Studied! + The Matrix

Managed to make notes and remember some shit for an upcoming quiz, i must say not bad hahahaahahahahaha. I think today must have been the first time in a looong while that i actually exhausted my brain studying! But now that i think of it.... oh god i have so much to study! Intro Psych quiz on Monday and Bio Psych quiz on Thursday. GAH! I have to get ready! .....tomorrow.... XD

Meanwhile, i've been spending every night watching movies, and i know... i know... i shouldn't sleep late bladidiblabla but i can't help it! I just need some midnight awesome. Watched The Matrix yesterday...well technically this morning and i was reminded of how awesome it was!

Mission for tonight : Watch Matrix Reloaded =D

Kay gotta get back to pretending to study =D Till i write or type again!

Awesome 3 in 1 DVD is awesome! <3

Orientation - Wiggling Performance

Luckily one of my seniors took a video footage of our performance for wiggle night and here it is =) enjoy~