Crazy Week.

It's a hectic hectic week, and it gets worse next week. God, finals and coming up and I feel like I haven't learned anything. THIS.IS.BAD. On a lighter note, according to Sandra Bem's gender schema theory i am very much masculine...... hahahahahahaahahaha! The epic part was i was more manly than one dude in my class! Ah.... good times good times. Hmm.... there were some other things i wanted to talk about, but Research Methods has wiped my brain clean. Oh no, Oh no..... I need to organize my time better.

P.s - Is it wrong for me to wonder about what you're doing?
P.p.s - Then I begin to wonder, who is it exactly that I miss, the boy I like or my best friend. =/ ---> =D

Not Needed.

I just found it so strange how you can have so much you want to say, but at the same time you don't. Is that even possible? But anyway, now I know that there will be no need for a letter. Even if I don't manage to say what I want, there is no point in saying it out any how. After tomorrow, I'll know if I'm content with this decision. =)

Looking Up. =)

I Wanna.

A song that just won't leave my head.

P.s - I don't know how to work up the courage to just tell you to pass this thing I have to her. I don't want to end up never giving what I had planned to give, in a sense, I don't want to keep it with me. It gives me a reason to keep wanting to see you. And that is just sad and twisted. Ah gosh! I need to man up! And fast!

Please, Just Tell Me.

Had that awesome hype of talking to many people at once. I know.... loser much. hahahahahaha!

As always you surprise me when you do talk to me, for some reason I always assume you'll never talk to me again. I really want to apologize to you, but I can't say this to you directly. I'm sorry for not initiating any conversations with you, I truly am. It's just that, I've always been the one to start before, guess I just don't want to be hurt anymore, neither do I want you to think of me as an annoyance.

I still smile like an idiot when you talk to me, but know that those feelings are not as strong as they used to be. No. Perhaps they are still strong, but I've just come to accept and let go of that past we had. I can't explain it, but it feels different-ish? *shrugs & smiles*

But one thing though, I loved to talk to you because we never held anything back from each other. Maybe you see it as a private matter, if so then I understand. But if you're not telling me simply because you're worried that it may hurt me in any way, please don't worry. I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure it's her. You can just tell me straight out, really don't worry. I'd rather be hurt than lied to or hidden from. But I won't be hurt anymore. So please, just tell me, there's no need to hide anything. =)

I've already accepted =)

A Fool.

What I'd give for those few words.
Still foolish,
letting go is never easy.
But even if I got them,
what would I do with them?
I laugh at my own foolishness & greed.
I don't even know the answer to the question I want.
What a fool, what a fool.
=)

Your Voice.

Went on a crazy emo song hunt. And found this baby!! Anyway funny thing was the moment I found this, you decided to talk to me. Hmmm.... It's a lil awkward talking to you, I mean those comfortable silences don't exist anymore. But still, I'm glad you still tell me things that you won't others. And yes, like my status, it's great to hear your voice. =)


Almost Lover - A Fine Frenzy <3

Crazy Dreams

Gosh. I must say sometimes I really hate dreams, well only the ones that make you feel like you haven't slept a wink and if it's a hectic dream.

Dreamt that I was being chased by some maniac while looking for Subway cookies hahahahaha of all things! I can't remember who the creep was, but all I know is I knew him well, that and I really wanted those damned cookies hahahaha.

Ps - I hope nights like last night occur more often. Maybe then the awkwardness would disappear?

Pps - I've been going crazy over Converse shoes. God I love em Chucks! <3

BUY ALL THE CHUCKS!!!!

Past.

Why is it that when we're sick we tend to think about the past? I mean.... ok maybe it's just me. See thing is, I should be worried about what I've missed in class, what opportunities I'll be missing because I can't go out.(13th & 14th is fundraising day but i can't perform on stage with my condition D=) also I should be worried about the upcoming quizzes and my ptptn and presentations but no..... I'm stuck here with all the time in the world thinking about him.

Shit. I know I've been fine for some time now given uni and all, but now that my mind is left free to wonder, it decides to open almost sealed doors. Scumbag brain........

For some reason, you're always there on my mind! Come to think of it..... Why? I still can't figure it out you know, what is it about you that I miss so much? Is it the fact that you were once my best friend? Or is it because I simply miss your company? Or is it because I felt played when you decided to choose someone else? I still ask so many questions, when will I let them go? Sigh...... Doesn't matter, it still falls down to the same fact.

I lost, I ruined everything between us, and you? I think you don't care anymore, or maybe you never did.

Ps - being sick makes you depressed as hell!

I think I know the ceiling better now

Smile For Others.

Can't help but smile when I read about other peoples happy endings. Yes, even if I don't believe there is one for me. =)

Ps - I'm able to create stories in my head again. But my nights are still a little restless. Soon it'll all go away. =)

Currently listening to - I'm Through by Ingrid Michaelson.

Maybe so?

Don&apos;t Mess With Sundays.

Ready for another day? Gah..... So tiring. I wonder what's in store for me today.

I've already missed 2 days of orientation and from what i heard, the seniors are pretty pissed that a lot of people didn't show. I mean come on...... Saturday and Sunday's are off days for everyone! Especially Sunday! Sleepers gotta sleep, nerds gotta nerd, Christians gotta church, procrastinators gotta try to not procrastinate. It's a day where people get things done wouldn't you say so? And I'm not saying orientation is a waste, but there are other priorities at hand. So orientation is without a doubt out of the picture. Just hope the seniors wont give me shit later today.

As fun as orientation is, it's taking the life outta me but it's only for a few more days.... Hold on, hold on......=)

Ps - is it really that hard just to say "hi" again? My Answer : Yes, yes it is.

Goodnight =)

Words of Strength.

Can you tell the difference between a lie and the truth when you're the one telling it? If you are unsure of the answer but you confidently tell others one thing.... does that make it a lie as well? Is it an exaggerated truth or are they words you're trying to fit yourself in? At the end of the day, does it matter if you know the answer or not? As long as you can live up to what you say, wouldn't that be enough?

I'm not sure if that's the right answer,
But until that other question is answered,
This'll be the only answer i'll have.
Seeing that i'll never know the answer,
I'd better get used to the one i have now.
=)

Beyond that gate...

An Unwavering Answer.

Something funny my friend asked me. "So.... Are you happy or are you hoping for something?" and I looked at her, without hesitation I said with a smile "I'm happy." =)

And I hope that never changes.

Keep looking up =)

Valentines Schmalentines.

Valentines day....... well exactly one year ago, things were different. One thing lead to another and god knows what the equation or pattern would have resulted in had a made a different choice. But all that's lost is gone, is passed. Spent Valentines this year with a presentation and dozing off in class. HOW FUN!!!! trololololol
But yeah....meh,....i'm bored and have a craving for coffee and chocolate. I'm a pig i know and me gusta. ME GUSTA!!!!!

Unsure, undecided.
Waiting like a coward,
Those 3 words stuck in my throat,
At least i can say i said it.
Happy Valentines Day.
=)

P.S - Now i'm just worried there'll be a misunderstanding *smacks head* HAIYO! XD

Doodling hearts =)

Calmed Heart.

I don't get it,
What is it about you that calms all my storms just like a soothing breeze?
My heart that was before unfocused turns relieved when I talk to you.
We talk about things that tear my heart to bits and yet...
I feel happy.

It's a strange mixture indeed,
Like drinking alcohol,
Tastes horrible but that warm feeling you get stays within.
Maybe that bittersweet feeling I've been having has finally turned sweeter.
I'd like to think of it that way.

I know I still love you,
But I know you love her so.
And I guess that makes the equation that is me, right.
I'm still confused as to why you're so important to me.
Perhaps you were my first love,
I don't know yet.

In time I'll see more clearly,
In time I'll learn to not want to need you.
In time I'll change "I LOVE you" to "I LOVED you".
Just watch me.
=)

the Light ahead

Silent Wondering.

Lonely was the heart that was abandoned,
Waiting patiently yet frantically for a sign.
Silently wondering where you are,
To where have you disappeared to?
Have you chosen to leave without saying a word?
Did you decide to place me in an old box called the past?
Or am I simply wondering too much in silence?
I miss you,
But I won't tell you so.
I'll just continue with my silent wondering.
=)

I've gotta say goodbye, to the pieces of me that have already died.

Listening to : Ingrid Michaelson - Ghost

That empty seat

Scott Pilgrim!!

I am so so stuck on a song from Scott Pilgrim Vs The World!!!! Clash at Demonhead - Black Sheep. Farging nice song Wei!!!!! The movie was even more brilliant, definitely a top loved movie.

Side note : I am now observing how the cookie crumbles. They say that's just how it is, I hope they're right but.... I hope they're not. I will know in due time... Time.... I need someone to point me to the exit. =)

-Send you my love on a wire, lift you up every time, everyone, ooh... pulls away, ooh... FROM YOUUU!!!!!!-

Arrow in the sky

Friends?

Need more distractions in my life. Uni alone isn't enough yet, well... Classes haven't started so it technically doesn't count right? Sigh.... Occasionally I have these thoughts whereby I question my role as a friend. I often don't keep in contact with people that matter unless I like the person, like like like the person, do I make sense? Hahahaha

Anyway, I don't bother contacting or even just giving a simple hi to the people I used to hang out with. Then I begin to wonder, would people still remember me? Let alone call me a friend? It disturbs me occasionally how I can not care. I blame the fact that I ding have any freedom, but really that's my own fault isn't it?

That's probably the same reason why I lost. Sigh..... I'll just have to live with that and hope that I'll get over it soon.

Lately I've become lady sighs-a-lot. Sigh....goodnight =)

More and more words that I wished I had said, would say, should say....still want to say. Someone slap me hard...

Words, words, words

2 Thing On My Mind.

Been cleaning the house up big time, found a lot of old funny things that I will not mention here. Anyway what's on my mind is.... What do I do? An idea can never stop growing and now I'm pretty freaked. I was a fool not to see so here's the price I must pay? I don't know, too many things unknown. Sigh.....

On a side note, found this awesomely depressing line from a book.

"Burned beneath my eyelids is an image of the two of you together. And with that I cannot sleep."

Where do I get such depressing reading material? Anyway.... Did you just reply me? It has been a while hasn't it? I wish you would acknowledge my existence but then I don't as well. I'm still pretty much stuck =)

Edited photo, i don't have them skydiver blue chucks but i want em

Original photo

Accessories.

Having a crazy urge to buy all the accessories. Feather earrings, chokers, long dangly necklace, big ass rings, little bracelets and the list goes on. Thank god I can rationalise with myself or I'd be broke by now.

On a side note - you've found a way back into my mind. GTFO please?

Got these star earrings, next thing is feather earrings!

Star Earrings! <3

Listen.

Would love nothing more than to be there to listen. But I guess.... It won't be me anymore. And I'm tired of chasing something that will never look my way. As much as I want to know, I've learnt my lesson, I'll just let you start. I don't want to do more things that I'll regret. But maybe I'll change my mind?

Having a headache, goodnight world.