Old Stuff - 19

Oh love of yours,

Be the love of mine,

And mine yours,

Endlessly.

18.12.18

Old Stuff - 18

Words fail,

A steady heartbeat,

Is this what love feels like?

A serenity of a deep pool,

Undisturbed and calm.

11.11.18

Old Stuff -17

If I had my way,

I'd make a home between your neck and collar bone,

Leaving marks like constellations.

Mine.

11.11.18

Old Stuff - 16

Trust,

Is it found

In the crinkles of your eyes when you smile,

Or the warmth of your chest,

The spaces between your fingers,

Your steadfast eyes that gaze upon me,

A meeting of lips, chaste or deep.

It reverberates,

Atom by atom,

Making it's way to me.

11.11.18

Old Stuff - 15

And through the years

I too would wonder,

What kind of person am I drawn to?

I never had an answer.

When I met you,

The answer was simple,

"He was sure"

And it was then I realized,

It didn't take much to love...

And be loved by me.

With you I didn't have to doubt,

Or worry I was hard to love.

And I wonder,

Is this what people find?

Is this what everyone looks for?

How lucky am I?

To love and be loved by you,

Thank you.

05.11.18

Old Stuff - 14

I am a pebble in the ocean,

Descending and sinking.

You are the ocean floor,

Let your waves draw me home.

01.11.18

Old Stuff - 13

You,

You who's spun out of stars,

Who's laugh reverberates down my spine,

You make love easy.

-.10.18

72

I wonder

In 10 years, 30 years, 50 years,

Will I ever stop wanting you

71

I'm being selfish,

I want to scream,

And have eyes that don't belong to me,

Notice me,

See me,

Even for a second

70

What are these tears worth?

They can't save you,

They can't reach you,

And yet,

I cry,

Because you're hurting,

Always

69

If I told you I was unhappy,

Would you steal me away from the life I chose?

You wouldn't,

I know.

But foolish hope remains.

68

I think you'll always have a piece of my heart,

Be it for friendship or for love,

This part, 

Will always belong to you

Old Stuff - 13

Once again,

Another pool I can't enter,

Hurts,

It definitely hurts.

67

The word,

Hurts me,

I joke about it,

But it still stings.

66

Stop.

You feel it don't you?

The strain,

The pull on your heartstrings,

It's so easy,

That's what makes it hard.

Stop,

Before it all rushes out.

Old Stuff - 12

Don't bank on it,

He's the same,

Eventually he'll go back to that one person,

Who he can't leave,

It's always the same,

I never learn.

And maybe I was wrong.

65

Foolish memories,
We weren't dates and yet I had gone with you,
It didn't mean anything then,
Still doesn't now,
But what times we've let go,
Never knowing what would've been,
Had we held on.
01.10.19

.

We're almost never the only version of ourselves

Warning

Its the words,
My mother says,
Her intuition,
She's almost never wrong,
I know it,
And herein lies fear and doubt.

64

The same familiar scene,
Laughing,
Mocking,
Teasing,
Baiting,
Goading,
Nostalgic and thrilling.
And then it hits me,
What this is,
The outstretched claws of a lonesome creature,
The howl for attention,
The frantic search for some semblance of warmth.
And I,
The safety net,
The everburning hearth,
Lay bare for the taking.
Same patterns,
Again and again.
29.06.19

63

I'm perfectly aware,
That what he seeks,
Is not me,
Nor my presence,
It is the idea,
Of someone,
To not be alone,
Scared,
And lost.
I can but give comfort,
Without having his waves,
Pull me deeper.
28.06.19

Old Stuff - 11

Drawing boundaries is a power move,
But you can't create boundaries and perpetually disrespect other people's boundaries,
That's just cowardice,
And manipulative,
What are you playing at?
If you want to know, ask.
Don't lurk on the rims for information,
Don't cling onto any vestige for a crumb,
Be an adult.

Old Stuff - 10

Relationships in 2019,
Are toxic and damaging.
We invite people into our lives with social media,
Constantly seeking to voice out our feelings and thoughts,
Only to have people react,
Some times unkindly.
Some windows should stay closed,
We've all a choice to make

Old Stuff - 9

I want to be needed, to be desired
I am needed when you share your troubles with me.
I know I want to be needed when I seek you out and listen and am curious.

I am desired, when you can't help but want to touch and monopolise me.
I know I want to be desired, when I dress up for you, and tease you and demand your attention indirectly.

Old Stuff - 8

What if these are things I want because of my past.
What if I get bored each time.
What if this is all I amount to.

Old Stuff - 7

I want wit,
I want humour,
I want to be teased,
I want to be desired,
To have you undress me with your eyes,
I want to want to seek you out,
I want to be curious about you,
I want instability,
I want to be useful.

Old Stuff - 6

I think I'm the kind of girl,
Who falls in love with people,
Who have yet to be at peace,
And that's my version of love,
The kind that will burn me to the ground,
Where I am the hero,
At the stake,
Gladly

Old Stuff - 5

Problem is
I'm wild fire,
I raise and suffocate those who desire to be next to me,
And yet,
I seek for a forest
That will burn
For eternity

62

It doesn't matter,
But why am I torn?
Why does it scare me that you will leave in the end?
Wanting you to be happy
Is the most I can do
Even if
Once again
It rips my heart to shreds

Old Stuff - 4

Maybe it's a natural attraction
And that's one of the problems,
But more than that,
This is a pattern,
Repeated since I first could,
I get bored of the people I'm with,
I no longer find anything about the person interesting,
And with that my feelings fade,
And I feel guilty because I feel like we can't take steps backwards,
How do you stop saying I love you without hurting the other person?
I see moments where yes,
I've made the right choice maybe,
I'll most likely be happy if I do this right,
But most of the time,
It doesn't bother me if you're not there,
It's like my being doesn't need you,
What does that mean???
I don't actively seek you out,
I may get worried if you don't text,
Cause you may be dead,
But other than that,
I don't think I actually mind??
Is it supposed to be like,
Hmm yeah this is nice too
Or sure why not.
I don't actively seek you out,
What does this mean???
Does that mean I don't actually need you?
Is that what love is?
Then why are we even together?
All these are resounding in my head,
Are they warning signs?
Is this just the "honeymoon phase"?
What is going on?
I've been asking how people know and why people stay,
And I can't see how??
Does that mean we're wrong?
I don't know what to think

Old Stuff - 3

I'm attracted to dark pools of water

Old stuff - 2

I'm not the kind of girl,
People should love for long,
I don't deserve it.

Old stuff - 1

See?
He's just like the rest,
All work,
And no reciprocity,
Beautiful words,
Empty promises,
Same trap,
Different vessel.