Angry.

I hate how I still can't control what I want to do. I may seem childish but I want what I want even if I'll regret it, even if I won't get anything out of it. There's no reason why I want the things I want, I just plain feel like it. What part of that can't you fucking understand? Is it wrong for me to blame you for me being so antisocial and not having close friends? Bring them back you say, well fuck you no! You want to get into my life do much that I want you out. And I'm being really horrible and selfish after all you've done for me. I hate myself for rationalising with myself about the things I feel. I want to scream at you at the top of my lungs but that would be too ungrateful of me. I don't know how long can I keep swallowing my desires and feelings. At this rate, even rationalising would turn into a form of denial for me. This yearning I have to be free is truly truly overpowering me.