6

And sometimes I don't want to be the calmer person,
I wait,
And I fret,
And I prepare to let go,
And I'm fine,
And then you come,
And I'm not fine,
And I can't let go,
And I fret,
And I wait,
To repeat it all again.
I think maybe we shouldn't be friends anymore,
Maybe this is all too much,
For me,
For you,
That this isn't worth all the pent up frustration and anxiety,
Just for you to come and unplug it each time,
I'd be lying if I said you don't hurt me,
I wish I felt nothing for you at all,
But still I hold on to that safe memory,
Of what we were,
Only that feeling remains,
There is no future,
There is no us,
I do not yearn for those any longer,
Of that I am sure.
But you've taken important things from me,
Friends,
The joy of closeness.
You've created for me the thing I fear most,
The abandonment of those I trust,
And I no longer know how to build walls against what is inside.
So I scrape,
And pretend,
And hurt myself,
All so I won't feel.
I want to learn to be a stranger,
To your presence,
Untouched,
Unfeeling,
Unscathed.