Happy Birthday To A Fellow Retard Bastie!

To be honest i wanted to have this super.awesome.mindblating.heartstopping.viciouslyinsane.otherworldly.jawdropping blog post about your birthday and i wanted to use the blog post to make it up to you for actually..... dare i day it, FORGETTING YOUR BIRTHDAY. I'm really sorry woman but i did. Forgive me? I started the blog with bundles and bundles of enthusiasm, i was like "YEAH! I'm gonna do this shit!" but you know.... i just kinda you know got lazy as usual heh... So i'm just gonna cut to the chase and say

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARAH LOIS DORAI!!!

Yes if you're wondering at this point, i did intentionally find the worst photo you had on Facebook >=)
Don't you just love me? hahahahaha

I find it ironic that i made such a fuss and merajuk-ed about you forgetting my birthday (which you claim you really you didn't, you just saw the wrong month pfft + yeah i'm never letting that go hahahaha but i knew you actually didn't), and i end up forgetting yours instead! Oh yeah i suck as a friend hands down. So the using the blog plan failed but to make it up to you, you can give me a flying kick if you want and insult the heck outta me when you do see me =D sound ok?

Warning this next part contains love
i do have a heart!!!

Strangers we were once, simple people who walked past each other exchanging only but a mere smile, only and only if necessary. Never did it cross our minds, or at least it's safe to say mine that we would ever be friends. Correction - best friends. Spending 5 years together in high school, it's funny to think we hadn't hit it off even in Form 1 maybe it was cause we were in different classes then. Hmm... i'm flipping through all the year books now and we weren't in the same class until form 3 and guess what? According to our 2008 year book we were in 4 BESTARI! hahahahah ah retarded Bukit Jalil....

Anyway so fine, the chances of us really getting to know each other was actually 3 years but that never happened, i still can't wrap my head around the thought of how was it we never really talked until Form 5. But when we did, it felt like we had known each other for as long as we lived and that we grew up together! What are the odds of that happening? Better still our moms know each other? SAY WHAAAAATTT? Freaking small world right? I don't remember how we started talking but i sure as hell never regretted talking to this "pengawas" kononnya hahahahahaha

Oh the insane things we did, me, you, helen and steph. It ranged from the average student... well with a tad bit o' rebelliousness and convict prone personalities
- The screaming, the "annoying the teachers", the wall-table-floor-randomplaces graffiti, the patrolling the school like a baus

To the reenactment and the use of movie quotes accompanied by uncontrolled singing
- Lord of The Rings, Pirates of The Caribbean, OH OH 300!!!! THIS IS SPARTAAAA!!!! It's My Life by Bon Jovi, I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing by Aerosmith.

To the downright maniacally insane suggestion and creations
- the eclipse of the butt, the quadsquinted, Bobbin' Hood, Rapunzel, Rapunzel let down your bear, just to name a few.

Insane i say, freaking insane, and of course there were the secrets and the insults and more insults and sarcasm. All this put together really made my high school years and you're one big part to thank for that. So thank you and i love you Sarah for making my life a whole new level of awesome, what would i do without you? Happy Birthday again =)


Anyway here are a few pics of the stupeed things we did that always puts a smile on me face. Hope it puts a smile on your face as well cause since you're so freaking far away i can't be there to actually put a freaking smile myself. Loving you will always be me =)

The Uglies. One of the many XD

The Stupids. Two way binoculars?

The Crazies. Ironwoman and Femalegatron.

The Downright Hilarious. Quadsquinting=)

And here i thought this was gonna be a short pathetic post, I THINK NOT! See Sarah this is how much i love you, i've just taken up about 2 hours of my time (Not that i have anything to do anyway) writing this blog post specially for you. Hope you enjoyed it HAPPY BIRTHDAY WOMAN!

Car Jamz.

And i found these awesomely funny people on YouTube and can't stop laughing now. The crazy things people can do in the car. For those who hate K-Pop don't bother watching it cause well..... IT'S K-POP PEEPZ!!! I present to you... CAR JAMZ!!! Gosh i miss having those insane car rides *wipes tears away* WHYYYY??? WHY DID IT HAVE TO END??? yeah i know i'm being real dramatic.... i like... XD Well till i come back with something more interesting this'll have to do...DOO DOO DOO DOO~~~~~~ENJOY!

Music.

As much as i should be studying and doing my assignment NOOOOOO!!!!! i found myself hellbent on making a cover of the Weepies - Gotta Have You. Oh music you be the death of me.

Guts

Had to find a picture of guts that wasn't too disturbing =D

You know, i think i used to have bigger guts. I used to do the corniest things just to talk to someone i really wanted to talk to. Ohhhh trust me, i was super daring once. I'm not gonna say what i did.. cause...well.... then i can't re-use it!! TEEHEE! But yeah, things were easier back then when i never really considered the consequence of my actions, but then again, why do i keep holding myself back now? I think the past year has really really scarred me to the extent that i've literally made the "I won't make a move until you make a move" line my freaking motto. Gosh! This is bad cause it brought about another debate in my head. I say i'm not gonna make the first move, fine. But what happens when the other person is thinking the same way? Then you end up not talking cause you expect the other person to be the first to start a conversation and it becomes so awkward cause you'll have one of those, "you start, no you start, no you start" moments. But the problem is.....THIS ARGUEMENT WILL BE HELD IN YOUR MINDS AND NOT OUT LOUD! Then the worst part of it all is that you'll start having these depressing thoughts going through your head like "Crap, this person doesn't care" or "I mean nothing to them" and it goes on and on and it develops into an insane bottled up emotion that leads you to JUMP OFF THE LEDGE! no...no... ok that was too much but you get what i mean right? Where'd all my guts go? I really need it back cause i'm not only doing it to certain people i'm applying that motto to everyone! Do you know how bad that is? I'm isolating myself from people again. Wonder if it's cause college is ending and i just wanna break off from the people i once knew. I really need to stop that, and i'm working on it i guess? I need my guts back ASAP or i shall resort to EATING GUTS!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHA

I ZOMBIE I OMNOMNOM YOUR GUTS!!!!!

Who's To Say?

Lines. Who are we to draw the lines? These lines that divide us, these lines that label us. Who's to say how something should be? Just because you'll choose to do something differently doesn't make it the "better" option does it? We humans, so keen on putting labels onto things, so eager to be the one to set the trend of what should be and how things should be done. It's ridiculous. Just because you would prefer something done your way doesn't give you the authority to criticize what others do. You say "That's not how it should be." well think again "Is that how you should think?" Well once again i pose the question, "Who are you to say what should be and what shouldn't?" In the end, who's to say anything at all really? Everything is an expression of self thought, hence it is often biased and selfish. But who am i to think that? =)

Just the many debates i have in my head when i see certain things.

Silent Night.

And my nights fell silent once more. No more late night sms-ing, no more late night calls, no more skype calls, nothing. Life's just went back to a super duper boring state. I need things to fill up my time, but what can i do when i'm stuck at home all the time? Can't wait till after the 5th.. but will anything change then? Sigh... guess the most optimistic option is to await February. Gosh.... i need a life. Correction, i need a new bunch of awesome possum friends.

Meanwhile i'm stuck on this song : The Weepies - Gotta Have You.

No amount of coffee, no amount of crying,
No amount of whiskey, no amount of wine,
No, no no, no, no, no,
Nothing else will do,
I gotta have you,
I gotta have you.
=)

Inhaling Memories.

You know what i miss?
The smell of  cigarette smoke.

That intoxicatingly disturbing smell it gives off that literally paints the atmosphere a bittersweet colour. The way it sticks to your clothes, the lingering smell that never shakes off no matter what you do. The way it entwines with your hair forming a perfect balance of shampoo, burnt paper and a light tinge of tobacco. But the most beautiful part is how the scent of cigarettes locks itself onto your skin, like an invisible tattoo it spreads across your skin and assimilates itself onto you.

That smell for me will always be a little sexy but mostly nostalgic. I used to hold my breath when i saw smokers, now, i just take it in lightly. Every small intake of breath i breathe in brings me back to the days where all was adrenalin rushes & intelligent insults. Insanely bold yet naively fun. The Looney days. The spark in my dull college years. It was fun and i'll miss it dearly, it's not everyday you find somewhere that allows you to just be you now is there?

Just like smoke,

those days faded away and all there was,

was that lingering bittersweet smell left on

your clothes,

your hair,

your skin,

like memories they stay.

FYI - For the record I do not smoke, i repeat, i do not smoke. Have not, do not, and hopefully will never smoke. But these bunch of idiots did, do. Crazy ass bunch of people who will forever make my day =)

YOU!!!!

Hey big man...woman....it....YOU!!!!! Souljaboy off in this OH! Watch me crank it, watch me roll! Watch me crank that souljaboy, then SUPERMAN that OHHHH. Now watch me YOOOUUUUU!!! *slaps self* sorry got distracted obviously. *i actually danced the dance when i sang this hahahaha* Anyway like i was saying, YOU! big person up in the sky that enjoys watching my life and every other poor soul on this planet's life from your couch on your wide ass screen tv.... please cut me some slack. I dunno what's gonna happen but i sure as hell pray it ain't gonna be nasty. K Goodnight! =D

Looking Back.

One day i'm gonna look back on these posts and realize, shit, i had teen angst as well hahahahahaa.=D

Free.

Ever had one of those talks that made it harder for you to breathe yet you smile on? And behind that smiling face is someone who knows everything but can't bring themselves to say it all out? Every time i bring that subject up, i feel like crying. When can i ever be free? I don't know, but when i am, i know, i'll lose my mind. No more worrying about others, no more holding back, no more regrets, no more. I want to stand on my own and disappear. Lead a life where no one knows who i am, get a change of look. Do all the crazy things i want to do, but what are the chances of that happening?

To be free,
What does it take?
To live each day without a worry,
Without a fear of wrong judgment.
These chains,
Invisible but present.
Evilly daunting,
Constantly reminding me of the things i've lost because of them.
I hate these chains,
But they are not mine to break.
I don't believe i can break these chains,
I don't believe,
Nothing will help loosen them,
Time...
Time, i can't wait any longer,
So what are you waiting for?
For me to fight?
Maybe.
Tell me,
How do you fight when you don't believe?

Staying & Going.

Like a tree,
I've grown fond of the ground i grow on,
The fluttering of each leaf memorized,
The whispers the wind brings.
Just like the voices & the people,
Traveling past me,
Like a blur flash of colors.
So familiar to me,
How bland.

My roots they're lodged in the ground,
Comfortable but somehow,
Eager to be free.
This plane is dry and cracked,
No promise lies within.
I expected too much out of it.
And i'm tired.
Tired of being an old tree in an ever changing land.

Change.
Inevitable.
Yes, that is what i seek.
New Faces,
New Voices,
New Scenery,
New Memories,
New Surroundings
New Emotions.
I want to be able to not expect.
To not predict.
To be awed beyond what my mind can comprehend.

This place,
So many memories,
Bittersweet,
Now more bitter than sweet,
Draining my life away.
I can't wait to break free,
To detach myself from these roots that lock me to my misery.

Every inch i grow deeper,
Is an effort wasted to hold onto ground that has slipped away,
Is another chance for my soul to wither,
Is another lie piled up on top of ones i already know,
Is my heart exposing itself to harm,
Is a question reoccurring.

I can't wait to utter goodbye.
To start over alone.
Yet,
I want someone to give me a reason to stay,
To not let go,
To not disappear.
But no one will.

Change.

So i'm gonna be an ass and blame my sudden mood swing on my monthly realization of being female XD. Had breakfast with Dickson and Hafriz today, god knows when i'm ever gonna see them again. And while we were talking i realized, i missed Looney. All of them, Hafriz, Ranjiv, Vijay, Ally, Adi, Peter, Dickson, Alyssa. I was only truly close with 2 of them, but somehow i miss all of them. I think i've just been stuck in drama for too long that i forgot what it was like to have a breather. To be insulted and have fun and letting loose. Mostly... i miss having a guy friend. I mean i sorta do have them but not as close as i want it to be, too many complications attached to the ones i'm around. Why a guy? Well... i've always been more inclined to talk to guys than i am to girls. I have Susu to talk to but.... it's just not the same, it's not different.

Generally i miss the company of people who insult me and i insult back as a form of entertainment. Sarah & Helen have that, that's why i'm so close to them. The rest... i'm sad to say...don't qualify. I mean in my own opinion. I need a challenge for a group of friends not mere listeners, people who know their shit and can make me feel like a million bucks when they insult me to the core. I can't wait for a change.

Nothing.

So the last post was a lil on the pissy side... yeah .... yeah.... But i kinda figured why i you know got pissed, guess i was pissed cause it dawned on me on a whole new level that i will never be that person i once was even if i wanted it to be. Even the littlest role can't be me anymore. It'll never be the same and those spots i once was or was close to have been filled up. And the waves came rushing back to my shore, crashing and pulling my strength away and soon, as you have made me, there will be nothing.

When i still had something,
I wanted nothing.
But now i know how nothing tastes like,
I don't want it.
Now i want something, anything,
But then, it's just not enough anymore.
I want more,
I want what was,
I want what can't be.
But there's nothing i can do to change that.
So i turn into nothing.
Tonight,
I can't smile.

Worries For Naught.

Ever get that superbly worried feeling in the depth of your gut? I mean it could ultimately be nothing you're worried about, but the endless possibilities of it being something worth worrying about is just too taxing to ignore? Well yeah, had one of those today. I was caught in an hour long jam and i couldn't help but space out as i played out the possibilities of anything in my head, then came the package of slight panic, worry, occasional sudden breaks, difficulties in breathing, heavy chest yada yada....

And well... when it all comes down to it,
I ask myself again,
Why do i still bother?
The answer?
Because i still care.

Well you know what?
Caring's a bitch.
So why?

I Am John Appleseed.

For those of you who're wondering why the heck have i changed my name on Facebook and Skype. Here's the scoop as to why i, Asyikin Jane, have transformed into a John Appleseed.

So while waiting for my mom to come pick me up from college, i decided to hang out with Amanda cause well.... she's fun! So i'm using my new IPod...(Will tell story of this for my birthday post that's waaaaay overdue) yeah...and Amanda asks me about the IPod message thingy that you can use with wifi or something like that? Yeah i still can't use it, anyway, the name present was John Appleseed and i was like "Who the hell is John Appleseed?" then she just starts laughing. I thought nothing of it at first until Amanda called me John Appleseed on FB and it hit me like....like.....the freaking typhoon i experienced earlier today! Yes, the weather was crazy, the videos will be up as soon as i can load em up to youtube =D It was some awesome crap, anyway.... Yeah i stray off easily. So she said even my initials kinda match! And i'm like......

FROM HENCE FORTH, I SHALL BE KNOWN AS
"JOHN APPLESEED"!!!!

*fuck yeah face* Even changed my photo to this one.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH my teacher got so confused cause like...WHO THE FUCK IS JOHN?!?!? AHAHAHAHAHA

Will update on the funny posts on FB i got about me being a dude hahahaha.
John Appleseed, whoever you really are, you've made my day you really have.

It's OK Now.

Looks like everything turned out fine.
I'm relieved.
Even if i couldn't help.

White Horse 2.

Yeah this is a follow up from one of my posts labeled White Horse. As promised, this is my version of White Horse. Yes i know that i may sound a lil like crap and it's not as nice as Taylor Swift and that i may have potentially killed the song and what not but HEY! at least i did it TEEHEE! Listening to myself sing i still don't think i sound nice, still think i sound like crap...ah well what to doo doo doo doo~~ enjoy la you musically deaf people and for those who know their shit...don't hate on me =)

Say i love you,
That face of an angel, comes out just when you look at her.
As i paced back and forth till this day,
Cause i strongly still believe in you.
Holding on, the days drag on,
Stupid girl,
I should've known,
Yes i know.

I'm not your princess, this ain't my fairytale,
I'm not the one you sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell,
This ain't Hollywood, this is the real world,
I'm still a dreamer even if you.. let me down,
It's not too late for you and your white horse,
To come around.

Let myself be naive, got lost in your eyes,
And never really had a chance.
My mistake, I thought that was true love,
I didn't think it would come to an end.
I still have so many dreams about you & me,
What happy endings?
I still don't know!

That i'm not you princess, this ain't my fairytale,
I'm not the one you sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell,
This ain't Hollywood, this is the real world,
I'm still a dreamer but you're still letting me down,
It's not too late for you and your white horse,
To come around.

And there you are on the phone,
Calling me for nothing, talking to me,
Just like i always wanted,
But it feels empty.

Cause you chose your princess, I'm not your fairytale,
I'll try to find someone someday who might actually treat me well,
This is a big world, that was a small town,
There in my rear view mirror disappearing now,
Still not too late for you and your white horse,
To catch me now.

Oh~ try and catch me now,
But it's too late,
To catch me now.


P.S - Yes i know there's nothing to look at, i covered my webcam with a piece of paper TEEHEE!

My Heart.

Heart of a Realist.

My Heart skips a beat when i see you,
My Heart still longs to talk to you,
My Heart wants to reach out to yours,
  Yes, I still like you.
My Heart feels light to know you're alright,
My Heart is grabbed by panic to know you're not,
  Of course I still care for you.
My Heart does not & will not crumble as it did,
At least i hope it won't.
I'm building a heart for a Realist,
One that refuses to hope,
And i'm getting there.

Just one thing though,
Can i still hope to be your friend?
My Heart would like that very much.
For at least then,
I can have peace at mind knowing you're happy,
Or that i can help relieve you of stress.
Yes,
Yes,
My Heart would love that very much indeed.

P.S - Yes i am fully aware the picture i used is some heart with a bypass or something like that...IT MEANS NOTHING!!!!  I just wanted a nicely drawn heart really quick *COUGHlazytolookforniceronesCOUGH* Yeah..... I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!!!! Pfft!

Faces XD

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand once again i ish schtupeed. Ah well, least i gave a hootery right? Strangely, yes strangely, it....doesn't feel bad at all hahahahaha. I don't have the "wait by the phone with the forever alone face" syndrome anymore hahahahhaha. Oh don't gimme that look, it happens when you like a person alright? Anyway, I mean i can face the "Are you alright?" question much more calmly now, not that i won't spew everything out, but i handle it a lil better emotionally. No more sulking for the rest of the night and the days to follow. Hmmm must be the Rocky XD And yes, it's 3AM and i'm eating Rocky, you mad bro? *Troll face* (I can actually do a troll face...i can do a lot of faces actually as shown below).

Yes this is me =D

Pretty good FU face don't you think? hahahahahaaha

Breaking "Never"

I know i shouldn't,
Not anymore,
Not again.
Never was the word i chose,
However...
I am somehow compelled to care.
The words are typed up,
All i have to do,
Is go against my stand,
And send.
And i shall.

Irresponsible.

Patients i have is running out,
Stop expecting so much out of me.
It may be too much to say but i've done a whole damn lot!
Don't you fucking bring that tone down on me.
Anger trapped at my throat,
Unable to express what i think,
It accumulates and whirls in my head.
My head's about to explode!
If i was a free person i'd take all the blame,
But i am not.
And i stand alone in a space for 5,
I am confused,
I am a follower that mindlessly does what i'm told,
I cannot lead,
I have no initiative.
No.
I know,
I am,
IRRESPONSIBLE.
So stop hoping i'll change.

The World Issues Conference is coming up this Saturday, it's freaking driving me insane. I can't wait for it to be over. I can't wait for this semester to end! I can't wait to escape....I can't wait to be free.

Twirling Colors.

There's something different in the way you speak,
A lighter tone to it,
A brighter sense to it,
Makes me smile to know it's alright,
Even if you still take my breath away.
I am an explosion of colors,
Twirling.

Liars & Lies.

Lies. What are lies? Are they but something you tell to protect someone? Or just words you utter to save your own ass? Can lies ever be for good? I'm beginning to doubt it. Lies, a twist of words, a fabrication of the unreal, a cowards way of life. Despicable and repulsive. Truth is, I can take lies as long as they don't end up hurting anyone, but let's be realistic, when do lies never hurt someone? So i just smile and take it in, but somewhere deep down in the corner of my mind and heart, i'm so so afraid. I mean, how can i not be? Liars only know how to fabricate stories, and take whatever trust that is given to them and manipulate it.

Maybe i'm suspecting too much, but really, how can i not when so many point at that direction? I can't help but feel scared around people like you. How can i trust someone who seems to have too many unbelievable situations wrapped around them? This is not a bloody TV series, this is reality! And yes these situations may occur in reality but not, i swear on my life, NOT to one person in such a short span of time. And with every story told, someone tells me that's way to funky too be true. And i'm caught in a dilemma of whether i should trust you or do i look at the signs and heed the warnings. Why are you doing this?

I don't know what to think of you, you are excellent, talented and just brilliant, but i don't know you. At least i don't think i do. I know only what you want me to know of you and god knows if any of it is even real. You're driving me insane and this feeling sucks, it feels like my heart is about to sink, it feels like danger. I can't look at you without seeing lies, i can't talk to you without having the letters "L-I-A-R" spelled out in my mind. I have half of my mind set on just grabbing you and screaming at you "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU REALLY?". Do you get your kicks out of seeing people trusting you and just believing what you say? Do you? I grow wary for my own safety when i'm around you, tell me, how can a liar mean well?

If you lie, means you have something to hide. If you have something to hide, means you've done something wrong. If you've done something wrong, how can you be good? At first i thought "Whatever, it may just be a rumor." I refused to believe it at first. Then the comments began to come in from people who have never seen you in their whole life and that's where it hit me. ANYONE CAN LIE. It doesn't matter how long you've known a person or how well you know a person, the person can still lie to you. Because at the end of the day what you know about them is whatever information they fuel you with. Maybe i'm getting tired of listening, i don't know. But these thoughts won't go away and neither will this fear i have towards you.

I can't believe you, hence i can't trust you, but somehow i want to. But it's too late, a thought planted will grow, and sadly i can never trust you like i would anymore. This is a brick wall you chose to build and if it is my fault for not trusting, i'm sorry but i can't undo these words. I can't block these ideas, i can't stop these thoughts.

There are too many things i have on my mind and i can't get them all down. It's eating at me...But in the end all i want to know is "Who are you?"

Distant.

Today, i once again realize that....i can never be part of that perfect picture. How can i if it was already perfect? You were all there, we were in the same room but i was a million miles away. I used to think novelist were exaggerating when they explained how it felt like to not belong, they weren't. It feels cold, you smile and laugh but inside you just feel like dying. I hate this feeling, it feels like i'm struggling to belong somewhere that i shouldn't. Maybe it's just me, i don't know, but thinking about this pisses me off so much. With my parents talking about my freedom, university, financial aid and whatever crap, my temper can shoot sky high any moment.

Sigh... i'm really losing it these days, i can't sleep right, even with 8 hours of sleep i have no energy at all for the day, i can't think right, the only comfort i have is i eat right...though i wonder if i'm taking my stress out in food form... gotta get it together...seriously.

Far away,
Far from me.
Where you are,
I cannot see.
Down this turning comes another,
And another.
And all i see is another long road,
But never the destination i desire.
I have my sight set too far,
My gas has run out,
My feet are tattered and scarred,
My heart is dry and torn.
But you're a million miles away.
Always and still are.

That Void.

It freaking sucks when you get all excited about something and you have a thought whereby you'll be like HAHAHAHAHAHA i have to tell my best.... friend.....this......and you realize... you don't have that person to do that anymore. Sigh.... i miss having someone whom i didn't have something to hide from or feel reluctant to say.

So many things can't be said.... 

And i begin to feel restricted.

I miss my best friend,

You who made me feel like me.
Where'd you go?
How're you?
How's everything?

Are you alright?

What's new?
Do you feel awkwarded?
Was i wrong to do this?
Do you resent me?

I'm sorry,
I miss you.
I'm sorry i miss you.
But the world spins madly on.

Rain = FUN!

So lately it's been raining like a hole ripped in the sky lately every 2pm ish. And being the me WHO JUST LOVES THE RAIN! I decided "hey! i think i'll walk in the rain to the Main Campus! This'll be FUN!"

*Time taken to walk there = 5 minutes, Result = WET*

So yeah i went into the office at main campus looking like some poor homeless child looking for shelter hahahahaha the looks i got from the students and the staff were priceless! i ended up making the office floor, which was carpeted SUPER WET and i had to laugh while saying "I'm sorry i'm dripping all over your floor" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. After i did what i had to do the rain was pouring much heavier than when i walked here.... what happened after that i shall show with a few cute cat photos =D

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

The rain was so freaking heavy! BUT I STRODE ON!

And all this while i was enjoying myself =D HOW COULD I NOT?

Then it dawned on me that i was so so so so wet...LIKE THIS CUTE KITTEH!!!!! just the wet, not the cute part.

Interesting drying off process =D

So yeah basically, i had this "CHALLENGE ACCEPTED" face and walked, i repeat WALKED, not run, WALKED back to college with pride and glory and and and....a very very wet bra hahahahahahaha.So.... upon reaching college, i was greeted with a bunch of WOAH! SHE IS FREAKING WET faces, a few AWESOME faces and 1 super not amused Dickson... hahahahaha he is such a mom! And to the drying off process!!!!

The drying off process : 

Step 1 - Take off super wet shirt & pants and attempt to dry off in toilet.
Step 2 - Wear beloved and trusty hoodie instead of wet shirt.... but pants...well... had to wear them back cause like.... yeah.... but it was a pair of shorts and it dried rather quickly.
Step 3 - Shake off all excess rain water from hair like a dog.
Step 4 - Take off water filled poor Converse shoes as well as socks.
Step 5 - Have a very very wonderful friend/Dickson to buy you a hot cup of Maggie so you won't catch a cold. Thank you Dickson =D
Step 6 - Attempt to dry all clothing to prevent mother from killing you.
           - You can use the air cond, the computer fan and the most effective a BIG ASS FAN!
Step 7 - You're pretty much good to go!

Note : You must have an awesome friend to help you with this process to double the fun! XD Thanks a million Dickson!

Thank you rain,
Because of you,
I was distracted.
Because of you,
I was silly.
Because of you,
I could lie a little better.
So rain,
I owe you one.

Dodging Hurts.

Now that i'm down from that weird high, i can post something relatively sane but undoubtedly emo as usual =D
Sometimes we get so caught up in out own dilemmas, our own drama, our own little world that we sorta forget that we're not the only ones who has to go through this crap. And sometimes, it's worse for others, so who are we to whine and complain about the situation we're in? But it'd be totally unfair to say that we must keep it in and pray to god we don't burst in the near future.We can but merely express those feelings through whatever healthy means there is. For me it's blogging and listening to depressing music and occasionally filling some close buddy's ears with tractor loads worth of emotional mayhem/CRAP. I sincerely thank all those who've taken time out to even give a dipping shit about my life. You have no idea how much i appreciate it.

But even with all those outlets...somehow i can't seem to totally bring myself to do what i should. I admit i'm very weak in the emotional department and a rather big hypocrite when it comes to many things. But as a human i am flawed. I'm sorry i can't bring myself to be a better person.


Boyce Avenue's cover of Blink182's song I Miss You is simply beautiful. (SCROLL DOWN!) This song has always somehow been at the back of my head for a lil more than a month now as it speaks my mind in a less insane-female manner. Sigh... but it doesn't matter what i think or want now does it? It never has. 

  

Dodging is funny,

You kinda have that WHOOPS! face then dodge.

But after sometime,

Dodging just hurts.

Because,

I'm dodging you.

Where are you? and I'm so sorry

I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight

I need somebody and always  

This sick, strange darkness  

Comes creeping on so haunting every time

And as I stared I counted the webs from all the spiders

Catching things and eating their insides 

Like indecision to call you and hear your voice of treason

Will you come home and stop this pain tonight?  

Stop this pain tonight...

Don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head

I miss you, miss you

Don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head  

I miss you, miss you

Messed Up.

Sometimes i just feel like YABLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLABLA
Yup!yup!yup!yup!yup! There is no purpose to this post, i'm just saying my mind is so messed up right now from the lack of sleep that even while i'm typing this so SO many typos are occurring. I FARKING LOVE MY BRAIN RIGHT NOW!!!! NGAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA will get back to this when i piece back my sanity. =D