Not meant to be

And this, this is why I think we won't work.

It's not the religion or anything petty like our differences in lifestyle or love for sport. It is not the people who flock to you and the people I choose to keep.

It is the ceiling of your life that crumbles onto your shoulders that you insist on carrying alone.

It is the flaws and creaks in the floorboard of your surroundings that make it impossible to approach without destroying.

It is the worry that grows with your thoughts and how you live your life.

It is the idea that your world is so chaotic I can't bear to have you know mine.

Because how can I love you when your heart beats for another? How can I love you if I must be the stable foundation all the time. How can I love you when you don't see anything past yourself? How can I?

Space and now

When we were young,
We were told that the stars are hot compressions of gas.
We learned to believe if we hold onto something hard enough and long enough,
We'd see something spectacular.

We become dreamers,
Star chasers.
Obsessed with the ideas that we can make stars from our own 2 ignorant hands.
And when we can't reach the heavens,
We reach into the hearts of others,
Like a hole we fill to fulfill our destiny.

I knew a dreamer,
An earth astronaut.
So desperate to build a cosmos of his own he made ghosts of those who left.
He grasps onto his apparitions so tight,
It's like it's the only thing keeping him from drowning.

And as he kneels before her,
Guiding her hands to his throat,
Wrapping her slender fingers over his lifeline
And slowly curled their fingers like a string on a harp.
He forgets that he is not stardust and hydrogen,
He forgets he is just a man,
That there will be no explosion of colours,
No awe inspiring burst of light,
Just blood.
And my god,
Blood and air.
Until there is nothing left.

Cello

Today I saw a boy, maybe 8 or 9. Carrying on his back a black bag more than twice his size. Walking down a flight of stairs with the utmost caution. Wobbling and almost stumbling at times. Worried, I approached and asked if he was alright. He flashes a smile so wide and bright, the kind that most children have. He says, "This is my cello". I stop, amazed. The pride, the clarity, the certainty of his words threw me off guard. I move aside to let him continue his way down, and though each step he took shook and wavered, he persisted calmly, with a determination that made the moment unbearably sweet. I leave, I do not watch him make it down the stairs. I know, he'll be fine.

Sometimes life's kinda like that,
We thrust our hands out to help those we think need it,
How ignorant to assume that they can't shoulder the burdens they've chosen.
And though what they carry engulfs them,
They know it is their responsibility to make it down the stairs,
One shaky step at a time.
What comfort a child's words can give.
To know in a moment that not all hands need to be held,
To watch things take their course and find peace without worrying about the end.
How serene.
How magical.
Life.

Armo the Spider

He's a spider with one tough leg
He's ARMO ARMO
Who comes at night and touches your face
It's ARMO ARMO
But one dark night he found himself trapped
A giant brown lady broke his tough leeeeggggg
And he was ARMO THE GHOST

Old post and thoughts

Am I doomed to fall for those who'll never glance my way and I too inflict the same scorn upon my suitors?

One Day.

"One day, you'll find someone you'll move for"

What a beautiful and sad sentence. For one day is like an eternity, but in truth we only have a short span of time to find it.

Rift.

This is unsettling.

Something is amiss,

Like a minute detail lost in the moment,

Or the heightened sense that a boundary was crossed and broken.

The music is playing,

But neither of us are dancing.

It's as though a decision was made silently and secretly,

And there is now a wall.

We've returned to our own circles,

Separate, cold.

I don't like what this is,

But if it proves true I will watch us drift apart,

Without making a move,

Without a sound.

We'd be strangers,

How truly sad and tragic.