Hero complex

So what if it's a hero complex?
I have a deep unexplained desire to protect those dear to me,
The need to fight off the monsters under the bed.
Family,
Friends,
Lovers,
Even if that means I'm torn to shreds in the process, I'll fight.
Because some people are worth it,
And so I seek these people out,
Guess I'll never learn.

Pulled apart

Being here, with you
Makes my heart ache
I can neither feel too much or feel to little,
Can neither like or dislike you
I can't figure out how I should feel cause there isn't one way to feel
So I try to push away and hurt you,
Just to see if I am even remotely capable of that

Short

Let me go,
So I can learn to come back

Indecision

I knew realistically we'd never be together,
But I cling on to any vestiges of what I think is companionship,
And stay
And stay
And stay
It's a push pull she said
Back and forth
Endlessly

"I don't think you're good for me"
I've always thought that
To learn that people can touch for the simple sake of touch without seeking the emotional comfort of eternity
I can't comprehend it
And yet that's what we are
I'm confusing love for what I can give to pretend to be enough
That love and lust can be separated simply because the other only wants one
Yet why can't I leave?
Because it's better to have than to not
The unsettling fact that there'll be nothing is more unsettling than having but only a little
And still I claim to know what I want
I need to walk away from this
Silently
But I can't, I wont

Somewhere in Between

I am heading down a path,
You are a somewhere in between.
What a place to be,
It's new and inviting and familiar altogether.
Oh how I wish I could stay...

But this is only somewhere in between,
There is more ahead.
So maybe I'll memorise the landscape,
Bask in the scent,
Soak up what you can give me,
And walk on by.

To the next somewhere in between.
Until I find butterflies growing in my stomach,
With a place that wants me to stay,
Where I am precious,
And matter,
Where I am needed and them I.

When I am lost,
I'll read this and remember,
Even if it hurts,
He is only somewhere in between,
Keep walking,
Keep walking.

After all thats happened

Perhaps it's these films about romance,
Mainly La La Land.
Creating the sudden awareness of being in love,
I forgot,
The giddy feeling when a person looks your way,
Being overly conscious with how close one is to you,
Lots of silent hoping,
Being flirted with,
It's being chased without having to worry they can't follow,
I've forgotten,
Forgotten the feeling,
Forgot.

Fight

Stupid child,
Silly child,
Selfish child.

I who treat people like toys to break and throw away at will,
I who build cities just to trample them,
I who push things too far,
Never knowing when to stop,
Never knowing when I've crossed a line and when I need to cross it,
I who can't work in greys,
Who's greys I can't solve.

Foolish child,
Heartless child,
Inconsiderate child.

I who disregards others feelings,
I who's curiosity leads only to self satisfaction,
I who let people get hurt time and time again,
Never stop taking,
Never gives in return,
I who expect so much,
Who's expectations I can't meet.

Ungrateful child,
Spiteful child,
Jealous child.

Deeper down we descend into my madness,
Until no one can hear me shout for help,
Until I'm buried and swallowed,
Until the darkness of who I am suffocates me as it pours down my mouth, tears through my throat and ravages my lungs.

Until hopeless child,
Anxious child,
Horrible child.

No more toys,
No more cities.
No more greys,
No more hurting,
No more, no more, NO MORE!

If all I know is to hurt, to break, to damage,
I think I'm better off alone.
No more.
No more.