Being Comfortable.

This one goes out to Helen & Sarah,
You guys helped me understand some things and helped me come up with this,
Two people who i absolutely can be myself with,
Two people who knows me like an open book,
Two people who i appreciate knowing and glad to call my friends,
You make me comfortable when i'm around you guys,
And i like you guys for that (insults included =) )
Thank you & I love you pigs.

I've read in a book that,

"the feeling of liking someone is when you can't say what you like in the person, but you know that spending time with the person is all you want."

That got me thinking, is being comfortable all that we're looking for? It's a nice feeling to be with people whereby you have nothing to hide from, where you can be your natural self, where you know that person knows you for you and will accept whatever follows. That's how the simple true friendship starts as well i believe. With truth. I'm not a great supporter of the truth, i mean, i don't believe that there's much out there. Everything has 2 sides, nothing is just as it is. But even so, i can't help but let myself foolishly hope that with my honesty at least it would be returned. Maybe i'm asking for too much?

Being comfortable. Yeah, i guess that would explain me most of the time. If i'm comfortable with you, i'll like you. Whether it's just for friendship or more. For me, it works out all the same. But if all it takes for me to like you is to just get me comfortable when i'm around you, that's just way too easy isn't it? Well, my answer to that is, the best things in life should be simple. I'll be honest and say i'm not always comfortable around a lot of people, don't bother asking, i'll deny it. Cause that's my problem not anyone else's. But if i am comfortable, i'll try to keep that for as long as possible, cause for me, being comfortable is something hard to come by.

But something haunts me. What happens when that place that was so comfortable before turns cold? It's a strange feeling, it wrenches in your gut to be there with someone you once knew so well and not know what to do. Worse still are the things that playback in your head. Thoughts on how easy it once was, how smiles were all real, how you could just sink without a care in the world and be you. So many things you wish you could say, but nothing forms a proper sentence anymore. It's not that old conversations can't be relived, but there is an emptiness to it. And awkwardness begins to thicken, and you begin to avoid, you begin to pretend to not care, you look away. Not you, I. And in the end, there will be nothing, nothing but 2 strangers sitting together. With no words uttered, no gazes exchanged, neither presence desired.
Nothing, Empty, Awkward & Pain.

Emotions jeopardize being comfortable. I wish i had none, but that defies any purpose of wanting to be comfortable then. In the end, i believe all solid relationships are built when you have no expectation from the other. Build it upon truths, and no hopes. Is that even possible? I don't know. All i know is i want to forget that comfortable feeling i once had. Then i'll stop trying, stop hoping, stop wanting, stop liking, stop loving. As of now, i'm watching it fade, i don't want to see this.

Tonight, with tears, i pray once more for February.