February, Lead Me Away.

The "What am i?" question has returned,
I get so angry for asking this question,
Such an immature thing to do,
Yet, I ask it still.
Truth is, i have no right whatsoever to ask that question.

I mean why should i?
I never was important to you,
Not now, not then,
I only existed when you needed me to.
I was just something that was there to break your fall.
And i understand friends do that all the time for each other,
But not when emotions are involved.
And now it seems more and more apparent that...
Maybe the warnings were real.

I was and am but an emotional punching bag.
You come and go as you please,
And i'll just be there waiting and waiting for you to look my way.
But you never will,
Not in the way that i wish for.
I begin to wonder why do you even talk to me anymore.

At one point i thought i could stop communicating with you totally,
Then god decided to mind fuck me by having you talk to me.
Seriously?
I'm glad we're talking again and that awkward feeling has gone,
But now all the feelings of the past are becoming uncontrollable,
When i'm awake i don't know what's wrong,
When i'm asleep i dream of you and that says it all.

I don't blame you for anything,
Cause well, i'm the one who obviously has problems handling this.
But it drives me insane how i finally think maybe things can be normal again,
THINGS WILL NEVER BE NORMAL!
I know that....

But i keep hoping that you won't leave me hanging as you always have,
Keep hoping you'll notice me.
Keep hoping that you would have chosen me....
Keep hoping and hoping,
For things that will never be.

I want this all to stop.
I need it all to stop.
But i can't bring myself to let it stop.
I'm still looking for that car crash.
But the days drag on and nothing happens,
Just more pain accumulated.
Where is my breaking point?

If i can't make myself stop,
I can only but pray,
February, February,
Please....i once again beg of you,
Please be knocking on tomorrow's door.
Take me away from today,
And lead my heart away from him.