When Will i...?

God i feel like such an immature, whiny little brat.

I hate it.

I really hate this part of me.

When will i be able to not wince?

When will i find the will to loosen that knot in my throat?

When will i not feel a strain in my heart?

When will i grow numb to the feeling of getting kicked in the guts?

When will i learn to look away?

When will i produce a genuine smile once more?

When will i once again breathe in air without suffocating?

When will i stop writing about these things?

When will i learn to let go?

When will these emotions just freaking go away?

I don't want them.

They're tearing me apart...

God i wish February would come soon.

Because then and only then can i let it all stop.

For by then i will have only one thing to crash this car i'm in,

The divider we call life that separates us all.

Please, until then, give me what it takes to shut all emotions out.

I don't know how much i can take anymore,

If it's gonna be a roller coaster all the way till then,

Trust me,

Somewhere along that ride i'll lose something,

And perhaps i won't even know it.
So when will i...?