Funny how things choose to unfold, i mean really could timing be any weirder?
Last last night was the first time in a long time that i sorta managed to put my foot down and decide that enough is enough, truly i was really tired of it all. And just as i think i'm all whoopdeedanzle about being able to handle it all, the freaking unexpected happens. Of all those nights i've waited, it just had to happen on the night after i finally decided to budge? REALLY GOD? REALLY? *tak syok face* All the more reason for me to think god finds amusement in what he's doing. I hope he's getting an awesome laugh over this.
But i missed it, i really do. I miss talking without restrictions, to be totally crazy yet sane, to be one version of me that's most comfortable. I don't know how it will go from here but it's a step back to being normal ain't it? That's somewhat what i wanted i guess? But still...a part of me will not allow to me to do the first moves, to be the one to speak out, to be the first to act. Can you blame me? That's how it's been since the start and i admit i'm rather tired of being the first to do something. So for my own sake, i'll stop myself from doing what i want to.
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